I wrote an email to a long-time (10 years) pen-pal today. That felt good. It was about how I've been doing the last month though so we'll see what he thinks. Last time I wrote him, he said he didn't know my bipolar was that bad to have had hallucinations. He seemed concerned. Now after telling him the very brief version of my latest mania episode, I think he'll be even more worried. But he and I have quite a close bond so I'm not too worried about it. I think he'll know I'm doing what I should be. I'll be interested to see what he replies, as always.
Well, it wasn't as exciting as I thought. She just said if the intrusive thoughts get to be actual plans then call.She said I seem a lot more calm than when she talked to me the day I went to the hospital. I think the fact that I can push the thoughts away means that I shouldn't worry about them. They are annoying, though. And graphic! I tried to relay this to my dr but she just said that they weren't that bad unless I was making plans to actually carry them out. She's also having a baby, which is why my last psychiatrist left, though she assured me she's coming back after she has the baby. We decided to stay on this dose of Zyprexa for now, too. She mentioned increasing it, but not yet. She thinks decreasing it three months ago was the cause of my hospitalization- in part, at least.
So for now, I guess I continue to be annoyed by the visions. I'm not sure she knows just how vivid they actually are. She tried to ask me if I want to carry them out. When i think of them, I do, but at the same they just play and are gone.
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