Ingenius Pill Packs

http://www.dispill-usa.com This is the website run by the company that makes the blister packs that my meds come to me from the pharmacy. They are so much easier than opening all the 20 script bottles every night. This is ingenius technology!

Keep Writing! (To a fellow Blogger)

Wonderful blog post! I understand what youre going into because ive had times when Ive seen angels at church. Ive had my meds changed at the hospital for psychosis. And delusions. I dont know if theres a difference betwren hearing voices internally or externally. Keep remembering keep writing and mostly be present in every moment.

Middle Age and Bipolar

This last six months, Ive lost my voice. In high school I used to call these altos "truncated sopranos". Ah-huh. What happens in 30 years. My choir director at church just said it was my age and that everybody loses their voice in middle age- especially women. I do like the alto part, don't get me wrong. It's just that I can't sing above a D - on a good day. Which brings me to yesterday. I was trying to tweeze some unwanted hairs out of my cheek when I noticed that my whole cheek skin moved around and not the way it should! Im just feeling very middle-aged and don't know how this intertwines with my bipolar. I have crazy mood swings and hallucinations to contend with as it is.

A pizza

2/23 I am feeling worried which is giving way to those visions of stabbing myself. And my thoughts are turning increasingly dark and depressed. I don't know what to do.

I just can't stop the negative thoughts and they go from happy to fearful and hateful to depressed in minutes.

My brain has taken us for a ride. Down. Down who-knows-where land.

2/24 I need a shower but it seems so difficult. I even refused an offer of sex last night from my great partner.

I am at my partner's house. Sex and hanging out with him for a bit seems to have gotten the endorphines going and cheered me up - at least a little. We'll see what happens when I leave.

What's happened since I left: Talked with my mom, maintenance on my car and the continuing feeling of exhaustion that I've had for a couple weeks. Flu-like exhaustion. I'm not sick. I just went to the doctor this week.

2/25 I'm still worried about the bill situation this week. Why do I feel like everything's about to fall apart and implode if church choir was ok? Is it because I was with friends?

2/26 Feeling good then bad then good again all day.

2/27 Same: Laughing then crying then back again. What is my brain doing?

I feel paranoid that my kids will be killed or hurt.

I'm craving sex intensely. I have been for at least a week or two.

I went to the grocery store this morning to get some food items to last us a couple days as we're having a snowstorm today. While there, iasked an employee where an item was. I was perfectly set to go hunt it down but something mustve tipped him towards my brain's current state. While I was making "I got it! Thanks!" Proclamations, he was saying "Here, I'll show you where they are..." And off he went with me thinking "What's his problem? I can do this...." I dont know if its my brain lately or maybe he thought he was doing a good deed but at least I found my pizza.