Fall! Flung? Spring! Sprung? (Day 9)

Today my meeting with "the Bobs" consisted of them telling me they might spring me outta this place tomorrow! They did mention the step-down place, but they seemed to act like I could just go home from here after they talk with my mom. (They did the same thing last year. This year, however, I'm not nervous about it like I was before.) So that should be Thursday: Day 10. They said the step-down place wasn't convinced that I would be safe not to just run away from their house. They said I said this. I totally didn't and don't remember saying this. Heh- who knows: Maybe I would've run away. Somehow I doubt it, but you never know. Is it THAT bad? What kind of house is it, anyway? A really nice house, or a run-down place that hasn't been updated since the '70's with wood panneling and olive green and orange decore?

I made a frog sun catcher today. I think I'm going to give it to my aunt as she loves frogs. Its spots are blue and yellow. Not realistic, but its cool anyway. We went to the gym again and played shuffle board which was tied for the score. I'm not bad at it, if I must say. I did sleep through one of my groups: the first one. I just felt really tired this morning.

Its going to be hard to transition back to regular life, but at least tonight my friend, K, is coming to see me. We will get coffee together as usual when I get back out. We've got a new puppy at home that I haven't yet seen so I'll be looking forward to seeing it, but not to cleaning up after it. One good thing about this is that I haven't spent any money for 10 days. Part of that though, is I haven't been able to pay my phone bill so my phone is dead as a doornail in my cubby here at the hospital. I'll have to go pay it when I first get out.

I worry about relapsing, but everybody seems to think I'm okay so far. They keep talking about watching my symptoms go downhill and not letting them get so bad next time. The problem is that they get bad so gradually that you don't see that they are bad until they are pretty bad and you call for help when they are pretty bad but you don't get a doctor to call you back or a psych-ER nurse to believe you until they are really bad. In fact, the psych-ER nurse never believed me. It was my psychiatrist who finally called me back a day later and believed what I was telling her about walking into traffic and flying off balconies. That's when she said to drive myself to the hospital or she'd call an ambulance. I knew the Fall was doing to be a bad time for me, but I didn't know how and I didn't know when. Now I know. I just hope the bandaid of doubling my Zyprexa is going to be enough.