This Blog

I am a member of a bulletin board on Bipolar. People from all over- South Africa, Australia, Canada, United States- post there. Some people have bipolar 1, and some of have bipolar 2. (I have bipolar 1; bipolar 2, has little to no mania, but CAN have hallucinations during a depressive episode.)

We post anonymously.

This blog is anonymous and gets a small number of page views. As I've said before, its mainly for me to get my thought out and for the few that read its for them to understand the bipolar part of me better.

That said, the very nature of this blog is that it is personal. I am writing from the heart. The inner-most thoughts I have I put here. Being bipolar is not generally seen as okay in our society. What's more, people think it means any number of things which it does not. They think you change moods from one minute to the next. While that might be true for some people with ultra-rapid cycling bipolar, its not true of me.

Its also- like schizophrenia- somewhat of a thought disorder. Yes, I know its a mood disorder mainly, but as you can read in this blog, my brain takes off and I sometimes have a hard time catching up to it - to rein it back in! The racing thoughts are part of the mania, but the mania is not the racing thoughts. Let me say that again: they are not the same! There are days where I start feeling like the world is not real around me and that's a very bipolar thing but I wouldn't say its because I suddenly started feeling "happy". Conversely, feeling suicidal is not necessarily a feeling of "I hate life; I wanna die!" (As an aside, it can be a feeling of, "Yes. That would be interesting. Dead. Huh...." with no emotion attached whatsoever!") Luckily, I haven't had a depressive episode in quite a long time.

Back to what I was saying, this blog is for me to get my thoughts out. I feel better when I've done so. Its for my friends to maybe understand the bipolar part of me a bit better. (There is more to me than bipolar!) So I worry that they won't like what they read? Yes! They might shy away from me, or get upset, or misinterpret, or use against me, or think badly of me, be scared of me... The list goes on. It can happen. But those who are true true friends will not have any of these things happen. They will read this blog and look at me and still love me. Still, despite, even though, even through, within up, within down, and just plain with- will still love me.