Today was a good day- had a fun day out and my bipolar seemed in check. (These two don't always go together!) I figured today is as good as any to start a memoir of having (/being) bipolar.
I am now nearly 40, and have been officially diagnosed as bipolar for about six years. Like most people diagnosed with bipolar, I had symptoms many years before I was officially given the label. Most of us go 10, 20, 30 years before some psychiatrist finally says, "You know, you don't have depression; you're bipolar," or, "What your regular doctor said was PMDD (premenstrual dysphoric disorder), is really mania..."
What's more, websites, books, and magazines often list the symptoms of bipolar in a way that makes me scratch my head and say to myself, "Yeah, but..." Things like, "Fast speech, lowered inhibitions, depression, mixed states..." aren't very descriptive and leave the general person confused. It seems the disease de jour is bipolar, with the least bit of irrational behavior being tossed aside is "oh, she's just bipolar!" and laughter ensues. But, having bipolar is anything but funny. Oh sure, hypomania- "under mania"; e.g. less than manic- has made me "laugh my head off", and run around making passes at men as if I've had a bit of cocaine (or two Red Bulls, pick your poison- and no, I've never had either!). But the reality of these states isn't as clear-cut as the labels make them, and it isn't as fun as society makes them out to be. In fact, they can be seriously dangerous!
More then any of this, I am ME first and then bipolar. There was a thread online where some people asked "Am I bipolar or do I have bipolar?" The score was pretty divided. Although, most of what I will type here will be about bipolar, remember that there are certainly days where I'm perfectly hunky dory and those just don't get included because they aren't as on topic. I may try to go find some old posts of mine that illustrate how I was feeling at the time I was having an episode, but I will also try to recreate things from memory.
On to the next post!
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