Monday, March 19, 2012

Hypomania ("Diagnosis codes")

As I said before, hypomania is "under mania"- not as much as mania. The problem is that its a continuum without clear "stops" along the way. Sure, books will tell you that extravagant spending and sex with strangers are sure signs of hypomania, but its not often that clear-cut.

The last time I had hypomania, I had been prescribed Celexa which is an anti-depressant that's supposedly good for people with my type of bipolar. I had been having depression for at least three weeks and we hoped I wouldn't get this particular side-effect. Within a week, I was clearly agitated. I couldn't stop bouncing my legs, tapping my fingers and hands on the table, and flicking a straw on both ends against the table with such speed that it seems like strenuous finger torture now! I had to get up and walk and pace and talk talk talk talk talk talk talk talk... and laugh and laugh and BOY! was I funny! EVERYbody thinks I'm funny when hypomanic! (They think I'm funny anyway, but there's no denying it then!) I finally called my doctor when not one but two friends- on in person and one on the phone- said, "I think you should call your doctor now." These are friends I've known quite some time, but even so, they don't often see me during episodes, and yet THEY said to call.

I've ridden a bike with headphones on with a choir SINGING AWAY and I SANG AWAY at full volume, high-pitched soprano line and everything in public. Its FREE. Its euphoric. I didn't care what other people thought! I was happy. I was alone in my own world. What is different about this time than any other time I might sing along to music is the feeling of invincibility. The feeling of flying in another plane- literally "on top of the world".

Other times, I've had hallucinations- what I THOUGHT were halmarks of mania- and yet when I told my doctor about the episode, she'd mark my check-out sheet as "Most recent episode hypomanic". Go figure.

I'm typing all about hypomania and now that I mention the check-out sheets, it reminds me that I'm told NOT to dwell on my diagnosis. Not to dwell on the numbers they write on there- "296.6", etc. Yes, its a continuum, but each state has its distinct feelings and symptoms. Why would they come up with new names and diagnosis codes, if not?

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