They let me go. Turns out, my insurance wouldn't cover a hospital stay; I guess they weren't absolutely sure I'd kill myself. I have an extra appointment with my therapist in two days and then another with my pdoc on Monday. I kept getting asked all sorts of questions as to what the trigger could have been but I really don't know. I felt like they were thinking I made it all up! They kept asking what I do with my life; I suppose they were trying to see if I were occupying myself enough not to have these intrusive thoughts? HOWEVER... one thing a nurse said that DID make sense is that maybe I've been having a mixed episode. That would explain the irritability and the feeling that I have to take lots of Ativan to calm myself down- to kill this internal restless, persistent, niggling, insistent feeling!; having a manic episode and a depressed episode at the same time! I hadn't thought of that! But after she said it, I said, "Yes! That explains it. And know this makes me feel better already." However, they wrote on my discharge sheet, "Unspecified mood disorder!" Unspecified, my ass! They know full well that I have bipolar 1! I didn't sleep well last night because I didn't have my CPAP; I just didn't go ask for it, I guess, so I'm sure I had issues with apnea. As a result, I'm very tired right now at almost 4 p.m. even though the number of hours I slept last night should have been sufficient.
Can I stay safe tonight? Well I just bought two big bottles of Tylenol- but for general aches and pains for future use. I think I'm ok. The thoughts seem to be much quieted if not gone. After some more sleep, I think things can only get better. My friends are around doing what they do best- being around just to talk with me about life. I still have the DVDs I took out of the library to watch. I have my kids to love; some days, really, what else do I need?
<3
ReplyDelete