So its that time of year. Fall. That means mania may be around the corner. My pdoc suggested I get a light box. (I have heard they are very expensive. Even if not, I have read that they can trigger mania in some bipolar people.) The last time I saw her, she was pretty dismissive of what I thought I needed. She seemed to list off things and not take my feelings into consideration. She ticked off things onto her notepad and it wasn't so much of a conversation as a pat-answer back-and-forth. I did ask her about disability for a letter for my lawyer and she just gave me the run-around and said there is a committee for that and that she cannot write a letter as its against what is good for me: i.e. to get me better. What a bunch of hoooie! I understand wanting to not write me off as sick forever, but if I have issues with working I have issues with working. That doesn't mean that I'm a dead-beat.
Meanwhile, I am down to my last two or so appointments left for the year and I'd really like to see my therapist, but who knows what October and November will bring. Last year, I was hospitalized in November for a week. My pdoc said that was from the Saphris and I agree that that didn't help, but I think it was the last straw- a big last straw. The year before, I had had hallucinations and some other odd sensations at work in October or November, too. Simply telling me to sit under a light feels like writing me off.
I will be bipolar forever. Why can't my pdoc see this? One needs to only read my entries from November 2012 to see the way my brain works and that this is not conducive to work.
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