I'm back from my T. She said the last two weeks- wanting sex with friends, can't be bothered to eat, need to run everywhere, losing friends left and right, etc.- I've been manic. There's a first. Usually its "hypo". Meds seem to be okay, though today I'm all about tactile. How stuff feels- wind, metal, cement. I thought about flying off a balcony to feel the nothingness between me and the floor two stories below. I played "screamo" rock in the car and felt the vibrations all around me as I drove on the way over here- watched the images in the rearview mirror distort all around. I'm waiting to hear from Pdoc about med changes. Talked about when to go to PER. Not yet I guess. I'm still not clear on that. People are asking how I am. I'm still not me. I love this and I hate it. And I am a slave to the meds. An addict. My brain NEEDS the meds.
I'm just sitting at starbucks now. Want a nap but can't be bothered. Too awake. Naps suck anyway. Your body clock gets messed up. That is, unless you're sick with strep or something and then they're cool. You just sleep all day and all night and not give a ****.
Yes. I try not to sleep in the day. But at least I'm a bit more relaxed. I don't think mania necessarily means hyper- its just means over-the-top and your perceptions are very askew.
Oh and of course my old T used up a ton of my appointments talking about 'Him" and now I'm short on appointments for the rest of the year! It happens every freakin year!
My new t is good. Old t annoyed me.
9-26-12
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