Feeling nostalgic and old. Watching videos of when my kids were very little- as in under 3 and one bit where I was pregnant with N3. To me I should live 2001 all over again. There were videos of me breastfeeding N2 and when N1 was 4 months old. I think I'm having a midlife crisis what with N3 having just moved out. It was just like yesterday that I saw that + hpt staring back at me with two bold pink lines. Im gonna try to go to bed earlier as I didnt get to sleep till after 3 last night.
I am also missing being married. Why couldn't I stay the course? That was 17 years ago that I got divorced. Everybody's more than moved on but I am lonely. No significant other to speak of. It would be wonderful to have someone to help get through the days of normal life. I have friends but it isn't the same.
This isn't really a bipolar post... But it is how I've been feeling. I am not having bipolar symptoms which is good. In fact, I've been really good lately! I feel good.
I watched more of those videos tonight. One was my sister's senior vocal recital when she was 22. She was so good!! I cried watching! And I've never had that reaction to music before. I definitely didn't when I saw the recital live back then. I am also mourning the loss of my singing voice. Watching my sister sing so well made me think I could never sing like that back then and I still can't. My emotions are all over the place. There were more clips of my kids when they were little and me 5 months pregnant with N3. (Boy was I fat! Im probably fatter now!) I'm so sad and lonely. I've never lived alone and its only been two weeks!
No comments:
Post a Comment