Maybe Manic?

I can't stop thinking. I can't stop doing. Right now I am sitting, but my fingers are flying. I can watch tv, but not for very long. I can help my friend cook, but for only a moment. Another friend, who reads this blog, says that the mere fact that I am writing so many entries is reason enough to believe that I may be nearing mania again. Earlier, I seriously contemplated buying a laptop computer just so I could write in this blog! I didn't, though, but I nearly did. I guess that means I'm not too far gone. The thoughts are there, though. My thoughts are this and of that. One thing, then the next. Never for very long. And then I am having very little patience for things. At the same time, I feel "normal". I can kick this. I can't possibly be getting manic. No not me! I'm not that far gone. I'm still a real person. Remember when I said I wanted to be "the real me" when I was manic last year at this time? The idea isn't beyond me! I take so many meds, why not quit a few? The water I drink is extra cold. I feel it roll over my tongue and go down my throat into my stomach, cooling off my body along the way. The smoothness of these keys - I type and slide the tips of my fingers across them. Mmmmm.... Yummy! The water in the shower falls over each part of me, warm and soothing, tingling my fingers, arms and head. The sun is going down, but not a lot yet. Its seeping into my brain, telling it new messages. I wish I could hear them better, but they are subliminal messages. My brain just knows how to feel from them. At the same time, I feel shaky, like I've had too much coffee and I can't sit still. What is there to do!? I must do something! And when I start something, I might finish it- I might not. My life is full of tiny little disjointed bits. Moment to moment, unrelated. Physical feeling to physical feeling. Overwhelmed by how my brain feels by what I see, or what I hear. Am I truly manic if I can write this at all instead of the short little bits I wrote last year when I was manic? Maybe not. But its worth writing down even so. I still want my own laptop. I might buy one. I might not. I might stop my meds. I might not.I might stop drinking coffee. I might drink more. Right now I don't know. I might call my doctor, but I might not. How do I know I'm truly manic? I don't. Besides: I'm more creative now and I've been quite prolific in my blog. I like it that way!