I Refuse Perphenazine!

 Turns out Perphenazine has the same “urinary retention” side effect as Fluphenazine!  Why didn’t that psychiatrist at the hospital know this?  So I’ve decided to not take it.  I feel short-tempered.  It’s an antipsychotic not a mood stabilizer and I don’t feel psychotic- no hallucinations or delusions.

I’ve still got the catheter in.  I hope my primary doc will take it out on Tuesday when I see her.  I just can’t have it  any longer!  It’s only been a day and a half already and I’m already sick of it.  Meanwhile, nobody could get ahold of my psych nurse practitioner on Thursday and Bi didn’t hear from her yesterday.  

I think I’m just going to have to be unmedicated for a while.  It’s always a problem finding a med I can tolerate.    

Psych meds suck!!

 I was in the ER for urinary retention yesterday. They think it’s my new psych med. so psych at the hospital prescribed perphenazine instead of fluphenazine which supposedly caused me to not be able to pee. They sent me home with a catheter in! There are so many what ifs swirling in my mind! Like what if I get a uti? How long will I have to wear the catheter? What if the new med does the same thing? I was soooo anxious in the hospital that i didn’t stop shaking but for a few seconds every so often. I had to have someone pick me up because I was so anxious that I thought I’d crash my car on the way home.

Saw Psych Nurse Practitioner today

 Psych N.P. Changed my meds today. We are weaning off the Depakote and starting fluphenazine 5 mg 2x/ day and adding .5 mg Ativan for sleep. She said that were it not for my great insight I would’ve been hospitalized!

Depakote and Liver Damage

 My actual liver doctor- not the nurse practitioner I’ve been seeing- wrote me back about my concerns about Depakote. He says yes it can cause liver damage but it’s reversible and he’s fine with me taking it for 15 days. My Pdoc wants to see me Monday in her office. She says my side effects are normal for someone just starting Depakote. Being mentally ill and advocating for yourself is exhausting!

Depakote

 Got put on Depakote last night.  Depakote should come with a “don’t drive” warning. I am sooooo out of it!

There are huge liver warnings on the drug fact sheet.  Called clinical coverage to get a message to my Pdoc that I have existing liver problems.  

Horrible Night on Rozerem

 Horrible night.  Fell asleep with new drug okay but woke up again 3 hours later at 1 a.m. unable to sleep.  Convinced myself that I was having a horrible reaction to the drug- angio edema- and then proceeded to have a panic attack.  Oh that warm flush feeling of dread!  I tried watching Netflix but I couldn’t after the panic attack set in.  I called my Pdoc who wanted to put me on lithium! :eek:  Several years ago I had lithium toxicity so I’m not going down that road again!   waiting for another call back.

They put me on Depakote now.  I won’t stay on it long term - I just can’t gain another 50 pounds!  Still supposed to take the Rozerem.   

I’ve Gone and Done it Now

 I’m not doing well.  I’ve felt manic most of the day and I’ve been super irritable with everyone.  I put a call in to my psych nurse practitioner but of course she never called me back. I can hardly describe the way I am feeling tonight except that solitude is not my friend.  I picked up the Rozerem.  Lots of bad side effects listed.  Lack of sleep and mentally not being able to even get comfortable enough to sleep is really doing a number on my psyche.  I’m thinking of killing my cat because she’s been nothing but a little shit all week.  I despise the psych ER especially at night.  The only thing grounding me tonight is a CD of Russel Oberlin singing Händel.  His smooth vocal production is soothing.  S.B. and C.S. have stopped responding to my texts.  I’ve really gone and done it now.  

Quitting Lunesta!

 I just couldn’t stand it anymore!  I was up till early this morning unable to sleep, afraid of what the Lunesta might do.  I gave up at 3:30 and took it and fell asleep before it kicked in- I think!  Crazy dreams ensued and I woke up at 11:30 a.m. feeling that falling into my own body feeling over and over again.  I got up and talked with my non-boyfriend for hours as usual.  I kept experiencing the sensation of starting the same moment in time over again from millisecond to millisecond though it SEEMED to be the normal progression of time it felt like I was stuck.  N3 picked me up and he and his gf and I went to Chili’s for a late lunch.  I didn’t dare drive myself.  While at the restaurant I felt that I was floating next to and along with my body which eased along as I walked to and from the bathroom.  I knew then that it was a good thing that I didn’t drive.  

I left a message for my case manager and then called the people who intervene between patients and their providers to get my side effect experiences to my Pdoc.  Soon after, I got a call from my case manager who said she’d gotten the message from Clinical Coverage that I’d called and said my Pdoc said to stop the Lunesta tonight for good and that she was putting me on Rozerem.  Just for seven days.  Apparently, it works with melatonin in your body.  Melatonin supplements have done nothing for me so I expect this will be the same but we’ll see.  Tonight, either way, will be long as I will be without any sleep aid at all.  

Lunesta - First Four nights.

More Lunesta drama.  I have been on it 5 days now.  My second night I didn’t sleep at all!  Was feeling antsy like I was wide awake during the day but TOO awake!  Conversely, I’ve been feeling like a sleep hangover and groggy like I’ve both slept too much yet not enough.  Still feeling the same, yet this evening I feel oddly drugged. Got up late because I laid down after I woke up and sort of fell back asleep. When I woke up at first, I felt groggy and lightheaded and queasy. I went to the bathroom because I thought I might vomit. However things calmed down but my mouth did begin to water like it does before you throw up. Around five p.m. I was feeling pleasantly dozey lying on the couch. No way could I sleep then or I’d be up at 1 a.m. for the rest of the morning or some time else just as horrifying.  Last night I had long, vibrantly vivid dreams.  Sometimes people have nightmares.  I hope that’s not me!

Lunesta

 I was put on Lunesta, a sleep hypnotic, on Friday, five days ago by my psych nurse practitioner.  I had to wait to pick it up until yesterday (Tuesday) and I took my first dose last night.

Well I fell asleep easily and stayed asleep till 3 a.m. when I woke up to use the bathroom. I stood up and stumbled wildly forward then sideways, falling and hitting my right arm and leg on the low table at the end of my bed ending up on the floor. My knee bent backwards too. My lower back is sore a bit. Luckily I just have a couple of bruises where I hit the table and my knee is alright. Next time, I’ll sit for a minute before I get up. I got back to sleep easily and slept till 8. I had a vivid dream about the kids being young again but that’s not uncommon.

Hope tonight goes better!

Something has its grip on me

 I am not feeling well.  Something has its grip on me.  I am messed up.  I am disassociating from the world around me.  The world whirls around me in a blur.  The big band music is soaked up by my brain.  Wondering what my friends are up to.   My right hand vibrates so that I’m having a hard time typing.  Drinking coffee further twists my mind.  Still the big band music rattles on bopping and sweeping across my dendrites.  I wish I had a hug but I don’t think I could physically accept one- too much stimulation.  Swirling.  I am out.  Life is but an image upon a plane.  Something has its grip on me.

Cat Update and Appointments

 Got the spaying appointment set up for about 3 weeks from now. Got the voucher that says we get her spayed for a cheaper price which has already been paid.  

N3’s cat has been so loving!  She lays on my lap, kneading her paws and purring.  I put a blanket over my lap because her claws are curved needles!  I think I’m going to trim Ariel’s nails.  Can’t decide whether I want to get her a scratching cat tree or just a corrugated scratching box like N3 has.  I’ll have to ask which kind Ariel is used to.

I have several appointments coming up.  One is an ultrasound- no I’m NOT pregnant!- and another is a voice therapy session.  I have to think of a song to sing!  My mind has drawn a complete blank!

Saw my cat today!

 I went to see my cat today!  She was pretty friendly for just having met me.  She let me hold her on her back I my arms.  We talked for ever about all things cats and children including her husband’s 17-year-old  niece who used to own the cat amongst other people.  She thinks someone abused her along the line but she seemed like a loving cat anyway.  She likes t sit behind your head when you’re sitting on the couch.  We talked about getting her spayed and she signed her up with my info for a program that offers low-cost spaying and neutering but SHE paid for it.  Now I have to wait for an email from the spaying funding people then we can schedule it.  She says she’ll even drive to the clinic which is nearer to me than to her.  

Here’s a pic of her from today.

Getting a Furry Friend!

 It’s 99% official!  I’m getting my own cat!  I haven’t had my own pets since I had two Figure 8 puffer fish twelve years ago.  I’ve been periodically cat-sitting my youngest child’s cat for a year now.  I’ve got her right now until he and his girlfriend get back from vacation.  My mom and I are going to visit the new  cat and my mom’s friend (the owner) tomorrow.  Since I have the other cat right now, I don’t want to have both at once - hence I have to wait a little bit.  I’ve got a photo of her.  I think she’s two years old.  I’ll find out tomorrow, including what type of food they feed her, etc.  I have to get her spayed and her shots as it seems that she’s had little to no vet care.  I hope she doesn’t have FIV.  

I’m so happy!!

Click the photo to enlarge.

Libera - a Boy Choir

 I love this group!  They’re called Libera and the boys are from England.  Their sound is easy, fresh, and sweet.  The soloist here obviously loves to sing- as I’m sure all the boys in the group do.  The ensemble is almost always changing as voices change and parts shift from top soprano to second soprano and even into tenor and bass.  (The age range of the boys is 7 to 16.). 

Check out their YouTube channel and their webpage in the video below.  

Enjoy!

Libera

Sometimes I’m alone - Singing Cat

 Here are three minutes of mellow enjoyment!  It’s The Kiffness again, this time a lonely kitty with (human) vocal and instrumental back up.  Particularly of interest is how clearly he enunciates as he sings- especially the word “Hello?”, at the end of the refrain.  It’s as cute as it is soothing.  Enjoy!

Sometimes I’m Alone - Singing Cat

Spem in Alium - a Forty-Part Motet & Music Theory

      Spem in Alium is one of my favorite choral pieces of all time. It is a 16th-century motet in 40 parts by the English composer Thomas Tallis (1505-1585).  It is composed of eight choirs of five parts each: Soprano, Alto, Tenor, Baritone, and Bass.  The amazing thing about it is that it all follows the rules of counterpoint!  While it’s been 30 years since I studied music theory- and sang this wonderful motet- there are many rules in counterpoint which tell you how the individual parts- or lines- can relate to each other.  For example,  parallel 4ths or 5ths are not allowed.  Parallel motion, for example would be two parts which are a 4th or 5th away from each other moving up or down stepwise to a second parallel 4th or 5th, as the case may be.  Dissonances must be resolved downward in a stepwise motion.   In music theory class even trying to write a 3 or 4 part piece of counterpoint proved difficult!  It boggles my mind that Tallis arranged these 40 parts together like he did!  (See documentary below on false relations.)

Work initiated by Guerino Mazzola (born 1947) has given counterpoint theory a mathematical foundation. In particular, Mazzola's model gives a structural (and not psychological) foundation of forbidden parallels of fifths and the dissonant fourth. Octavio Agustin has extended the model to microtonal contexts.^{[4][5]   (See the link below on counterpoint on Wikipedia.)}

     Spem in Alium is fun to sing, especially when all 40 parts are sounding at once. The eight soprano parts frequently go up to the G just above the treble staff in succession.  In parts of the piece, it’s 40 individual musical lines at the same time that each have a melody of sorts going on (some of which are very simple, such as Choir eight’s bass line), the apparent result of which is a cacophony, but still each vocal part following the rules of counterpoint, tonal centers washing over the listener in waves.  To swim through this, each singer must rely on reading the intervals between notes and on utilizing solfège.  Since the tonal centers change frequently, one must “be on their toes”!

     When I was 18 and in my freshman year as a Vocal Performance major, I had a music theory class taught by Doctor Kaleb.  As part of the class, we had to learn to sightread solfège.  (See link below.)  Solfège is a way of relating notes to a set of word symbols which stand for relative pitches, named do, re,  mi, fa, sol, la, ti and do again.  There are also names for the half steps in between - one set for going up the scale- do, di, re, ri, mi, fa, fi, sol, si, la, li, ti and do again, and one for going down- do, ti, te, la, le, sol, se, fa, mi, me, re, ra, do.  Each class, in addition to learning other important theory, like counterpoint, we practiced singing solfège.  Printouts were handed out and each student had a few lines of  notes to read.  Doctor Kaleb would sing do and the student would have to sing the line which, more often than not, did not begin with do, but another note in the scale such as, for example, sol.

     As Doctor Kaleb went around the room, he would invariably call on a certain student, who, for this example we will call “Michael”.  Michael was a piano major.  According to the university’s rules, piano majors had to be voice minors and voice majors had to be piano minors, both of which required several semesters of private lessons.  When Micheal was called upon to sing a solfège (see link below) exercise, the professor would give him do by singing it.  “Do”, Micheal would sing back, his voice wobbling around the pitch.  “Do!” Doctor Kaleb would repeat, placing his pitch exactly where it was before.  “Do…” Micheal sang again, his tonal center blurred.  “Do!” The professor would come back, his pitch never failing.  Sometimes when a student was performing particularly poorly, Doctor Kaleb would cover his ears, his hands shaking and his face scrunched up in pain, breathing in between his teeth with his voice warbling exclaiming “Saaaaaaave IT!!” in a rising tone.  This would go on until, inevitably, he moved on to someone else.

     Near the end of Spem in Alium, there is a false relation (see link below) where one soprano part is singing “ti do” starting on the downbeat and a second sings “te la sol fa mi” starting with “te”on the offbeat thus resolving the dissonance in a stepwise downward motion as the counterpoint rules require.  I actually had the false relation in my part in choir two where I sang an F-natural against the F-sharp in another choir, BUT unfortunately for me, that soprano decided to take a breath right at her F-sharp, thus dissolving the false relation!  But, you can definitely hear it in the King’s College Choir performance linked below!

     Someone has made a documentary on the history of this magnificent piece.  Of special interest is the animated diagram at the end when the whole piece is performed which moves along with the singing showing which voice is active at the time by lighting up the active voices.  He also has a shorter video on “the most dangerous note” in Spem in Alium, which if not sung could make the whole performance collapse!  I had thought that that note would be the choir two’s F-natural against another choir’s F-sharp that I mention above- a false relation, see link below- but it’s actually a B-flat entrance earlier by choir four’s baritone!

Thomas Tallis on Wikipedia

Counterpoint on Wikipedia

Motet on Wikipedia

Spem in Alium on Wikipedia

Documentary on the history of Spem in Alium

The first piece with basso continuo and how it can teach you counterpoint

False relations in the late Renaissance

Spem in Alium - King’s College Choir

The most dangerous note in Spem in Alium

Solfège on Wikipedia

Countertenors & Castrati and the Allegri Miserere

     In this entry, I discuss various types of high male voices and some of their repertoire.  I’ve included plenty of recordings- both audio and video- along with interviews from various time periods and Wikipedia articles which discuss the artists and some musical contexts.

      I’m listening to an album that I didn’t know I had until I sorted through a naked stack of my CDs- Russel Oberlin (1928-2016), “America’s Countertenor”, sings Händel arias.  I’ve been revisiting his smooth yet powerful masculine voice with its wonderful controlled rich vibrato from this 1959 recording.  It includes two of the Arias that he sings on a 1961 and 1962 DVD recording, Russel Oberlin: America’s Countertenor.  It’s wonderful to see him sing “in the flesh”.  In the DVD interview, Russel quips “Oh no!  They’re very very different!” when asked “Is a countertenor the same thing as a castrato?”  He explains how male altos use their falsetto voice but he uses his natural voice which has much more projection.  I’d say his vocal range is much larger than any female contralto, both at his top register and his lower register.  

     As a student, his voice teacher advised him to “Sing where it’s comfortable.”  His singing style is exacting yet portamenti can be heard if you listen carefully (see Ah Dolce Nome! below)- every note and every phrase is properly placed and executed flawlessly as he is singing, while simultaneously anticipating the next phrase in his head.  He was fond of sentimentality and liked to sing Romantic lieder because it this.  

     In a 1963 interview (see link below) Russel explains,

I like Schumann s- I like the sentimental Schumann songs.  I think “Ihre Stimme”, “Your voice”,  it would be fine… “Let me search deep within you; conceal nothing from my gaze.  What sort of magic power dwells in your voice?  So many words strike our ears unheeded and even as they fade away all are forgotten.  Yet, when your voice reaches me, though from afar, I listen to it happily.  I can never forget it.  I tremble then, burning with all consuming passion.  My heart and your voice understand each other so well.”  [“Ihre Stimme” plays.]  [See Russel Oberlin Recital Part 4]

     The YouTube channel “Russel Oberlin - Topic” has the entire album Russel Oberlin Sings Händel Arias, plus a second album A Child’s Garden of Verses in which Russel sings several short children’s songs.  There are several interviews with Russel below: one from 2004 and one where he talks about working with the famous Canadian pianist Glenn Gould.  An interview with Glenn Gould on Bach is followed by a video of him and Russel Oberlin in a rare historical performance together (from 9:25 to 23.26).  There is also another interview with Russel Oberlin in four short parts.  Russel sings a 1961 recital in which he sings German lieder- a wondrous change in musical time periods from Händel’s arias.  (See above paragraph.). And, moreover, he had another interview in 1963 where his distinctive speaking voice is showcased with the same man who interviews him in Russel Oberlin -  America’s Countertenor.  In the interview, he talks about the history of the countertenor as well as the castrati and their music.  (See above paragraph.)

     René Jacobs (b. 1946) is another countertenor which, like Russel Oberlin and Bejun Mehta, had a natural “Mezza-voca technique” (from the Italian “Mixed voice”) where the vocal registers are naturally unified.   Rene Jacobs’ countertenor voice has an exceptional range, which he utilizes with ease.  This can be heard in the Horn Aria by Händel below. (There is even a René Jacobs YouTube channel. See below.)  He takes his upper register sweetly and with ease.

     I’ve also included a documentary on castrati- including a 1904 recording!  Alessandro Moreschi was the last castrato (1858-1922) and the only one to have made recordings.  See Moreschi’s Wikipedia page for two examples of his singing which, not unlike Russel Oberlin, include wonderful sighing portamenti.  Keep in mind when listening to these early 1900s wax cylinder recordings that the singing style of the turn of the 20th century was full of scoops down from one note to another (portamenti) along with jumps up from a lower note to a higher one (acciaccaturas). As castrati grew, the ends of the bones never closed.  The growth plates remained unfused and therefore their limbs grew disproportionally long. They  continued to grow as well as their lungs, giving them their great ability to sustain musical phrases for long periods of time.  For nearly two hundred and fifty years, castrati were adored for their clear, powerful voices, which at the peak of their popularity in the 1700s, up to 4,000 boys per year were castrated in Italy before puberty in order to preserve their pre-pubescent voices- only 80 percent survived the operation.  Many boys were cut but few made it to the operatic stage.  Carlo Broschi - known as Farinelli- is the most famous castrato in history and his operatic singing is legendary.  It is said that he could swell a note up to a great volume and then diminuendo back down to a pianissimo while holding the note for several minutes!  Others joined church choirs like Moreschi and colleagues in the Sistine Chapel choir - famous for their castrati, their yearly performances of Allegri’s Miserere, and, of course, their 1902 and 1904 recordings.  Since castrati had a bigger sound while singing than a boy trebles do, they could produce a more powerful vocal sound, especially as a group.  Moreschi’s voice can clearly be heard on the 1904 recording of Oremus Pro Pontifice over the Chorus of Roman Choristers (boys).

      It’s not always easy to tell the difference between the countertenor sound, the sopranist sound and the castrato sound. This YouTube channel, Early Music Sources, also has a video on the countertenors, as well as their one on the castrati.  I’ve posted a link to a documentary about how the “high C” version of the Allegri “Miserere” came to be.  A few measures of the version that Allegri wrote was transcribed and transposed to another key and placed on top of the original key.  This gives the piece its haunting color.  A recording of this “high C” Miserere is also linked below interestingly enough with a male soprano named Patrick Husson (b. 1960), age about 30 when this recording was made, who is NOT a castrato, but what is called a “Sopranist” a rare wondrous voice of an adult male who went through puberty but can still sing in a soprano’s tessitura.  Listen carefully to hear Patrick sing the entire “G” to high “C” then the descent and “turn” ornament in one breath- a feat no boy soprano could accomplish!  A castrato might’ve been able to do this and although the Sistine chapel choir is famous for employing castrati for both the alto parts and the soprano parts, - and for keeping the Miserere to themselves, along with their secret ornamentations- Mendelssohn’s version with the high “C” came after their hay day and this is also when the modern version of the Miserere was made public.  The rest of the choir, La Maitrise De Garçons De Colmar, is composed of boy trebles, adult male altos (falsettists), tenors and basses.  A 2015 recording of the current Sistine Chapel Choir- composed of boys and adult men- performing the “Miserere” in its original 17th-century form including their famous ornaments can be heard in the link below, “Original Miserere”.

     There are many male sopranos who can still sing the repertoire written for the castrati.  

     Philippe Jaroussky (born 1978) is a French soprano countertenor who sings solely in the falsetto register.  I have included Händel’s Ombra Cara in contrast to Russel Oberlin’s rendition.  I have also included an English interview with him where you will notice his baritone speaking voice- very interesting!

     Michael Maniaci’s (b. 1976) voice never fully broke and as a result he can still sing in the soprano range.  In the link below of him singing Mozart’s Exultate Jubilate, K. 165 you can hear him hit a very high note indeed, near the end.  Like Radu Marian, he has a softer sound than Moreschi.  

     Radu Marian (b. 1977) is also a man whose voice never changed. He sings with a light tone somewhat like a woman but with a male timber.  According to Wikipedia, “ Marian is an ‘endocrinological castrato’ or ‘natural castrato’. A natural castrato is a male singer who never went through puberty and is able to keep his ‘unbroken’ voice intact.” 

     An unique boy soprano, Bejun Mehta (b. 1968) made recordings of his unusually rich and mature voice when he was 14- only six months before his voice changed!  Upon hearing him, one might think that he is what a castrato should sound like.  Interestingly, he is now a countertenor.

     And just as a bonus, I’ve included a boy contralto- not a soprano or a countertenor- Peter Schreier  (1935-2019) in a recording from the early 1950s.  His rich tone and wonderful technique show both his mature musicality but his mature boy’s voice as well.  He was 13-15 when these recordings were made. As he wished, he became a tenor, after his voice broke at 16 years of age.   

     Of course, countertenors have their voices break as teenagers and the castrati did not. This allowed the castrati time to develop their maturing soprano or contralto voices. Radu Marian (b. 1977) is one who never went through puberty and so is not a true “castrato” as he wasn’t castrated even though he sings in the soprano range and is not a countertenor.  He also is not a Sopranist.  Micheal Maniaci (b. 1976) is also an endocrinological soprano castrato, his voice breaking only partially. 

     In the first interview below (2004), Russel explains that his voice changed “quite late”, too.

I guess my voice changed maybe when I was maybe 15- quite late.  Now, you know nowadays kids’ voices are changing when they’re, you know, twelve years old, it seems… In my day- I mean, I was a boy soprano in church choirs and did a lot of other just solo soprano singing.  When my voice changed, I was probably a kind of second tenor, really.  It wasn’t particularly high.  I remember my own first significant voice teacher I had who was- I was born in Akron, Ohio and lived my childhood there- but I studied singing AFTER my voice changed, in Cleveland with a very fine teacher whose name is Gretchen Garnett… She was asked a question about “What was his voice like when he came to you?” and she said, “Well, he didn’t have much of a high voice nor much of a low voice.”  It was just sort of a middle kind of whatever.  But, I was- I had some very good advice- she and others- who simply said, “Sing where it’s comfortable.  Don’t push yourself into a voice category… Your body is changing- the voice will change, too!  And let it change where it wants to go- don’t push it into that.”  And that’s what happened!  By the time I went to Julliard, I was a very high tenor- a naturally high-placed tenor.  I looked for repertoire that used that range of my voice, because it was better than the very low stuff.  And that’s how I got started.

     Russel Oberlin explains in the 1963 interview the difference between his type of voice and the falsetto singers.  For example, male altos, which have been used in English cathedral choirs such as King’s College Choir at Cambridge.  The cadenza in Ombra Cara, which he interpolated himself, shows off his high range and, wonderfully, his low range. 

In my kind of a voice, being a tenor, I also have lots of tenor notes- the lower part of the male voice range- whereas in falsetto singing, the falsetto voice just fades away about A below middle C; maybe an octave and a half in falsetto is fine.  Lots of countertenor things don’t encompass any more than that.  It’s an interesting point to be able to look- we can look at scores and decide by the range of the piece and by the orchestral accompaniment- if it’s an orchestral accompanied piece, or an aria that I’m speaking of, we can tell what kind of a countertenor that was intended for…. Some of the Händel things- there’s so much accompaniment- almost full orchestra- that the falsetto simply wouldn’t cut through all that….  [In Händel’s “Ombra Cara”, there’s]…  a cadenza that is interpolated by me- it’s not written down.  But, it’s in the style- in Handel’s day, the artists and singers, were known for their embellishing of the score with this cadenza in the style and tradition of the Händel operas of his day.

     In the DVD insert to Russel Oberlin, America’s Legendary Countertenor, Joshua Cohen writes,

At the end of ‘Ombra Cara’…he inserts an electrifying cadenza, racing all the way down to a firm baritone D, then up the scale two octaves and a minor third to a soaring F (above tenor high C), then down again to settle two octaves below.  At no point does his tone betray the faintest blip or creak- not even the slightest hint of the dreaded ‘gear shift’.  It is one of the most amazing demonstrations of vocal homogeneity on record…. The high F was apparently the upper limit of his range.

Doctor Ian Howell is a countertenor who has given an interview on the specifics of the countertenor voice called The Countertenor Voice- with Ian Howell where he gives information on a variety of qualities of this voice type.  A very good detailed interview!

  Here’s to the history of the high male singing voices!

  This is just a brief introduction to the worlds of the countertenors, castrati, and sopranists.  I hope you take your time and really savor the links below.  I find the topic of unusual male voices fascinating and I hope you do too!  

Castrati on Wkipedia

Alessandro Moreschi on Wikipedia

Russel Oberlin Wikipedia Page

Glen Gould on Wikipedia

Radu Marian, endocrinological castrato on Wikipedia

Bejun Mehta on Wikipedia

Peter Schreier on Wikipedia

Michael Maniaci on Wikipedia

René Jacobs on Wikipedia

Philippe Jaroussky - Wikipedia

Ah dolce nome! Russel Oberlin

Ombra Cara by Handel, singer: Russel Oberlin

Händel - Ombra Cara, Philippe Jaeoussky

Philippe Jaroussky, Sopranist, interview

Philippe Jaroussky - soprano countertenor - Interview part 2

Sopranist on Wikipedia

Interview with Russel Oberlin (2004)

Russel Oberlin and Glenn Gould with interview of Oberlin re: Gould

Glenn Gould on Bach - with performance with Russel Oberlin

Another interview with Russel Oberlin part 1

Another interview with Russel Oberlin Paer 2

Another interview with Russel Oberlin part 3

Another interview with Russel Oberlin part 4

1963 interview with Russel Oberlin

Russel Oberlin - Recital Part 1

Russel Oberlin - Recital Part 2

Russel Oberlin in Recital - part 3

Russel Oberlin - Recital Part 4

The Castrati-Documentary 

The Countertenor - Documentary

Male soprano sings high solo in Allegri’s Miserere

Falsobordone and Allegri’s Miserere - Documentary

Early Music Sources

Radu Marian, natural castrato

Bejun Mehta, mature boy soprano 

Bejun Mehta sings Handel (Countertenor)  

Peter Schreier - boy alto

Michael Maniaci - Exultate Jubilate

The Original Miserere

Oremus Pro Pontifice - Moreschi and boys chorus

René Jacobs - Horn Aria, Händel

René Jacobs - YouTube channel

Luna Kling’s YouTube channel on Russel Oberlin

Pergolesi - Stabat Mater, Philippe Jaroussky

 

Smooth, even me!

 Well, I’m at Starbucks for the second time today.  The first time was two and a half hours ago:  Noah and I came here for our weekend morning coffee and a donut, except that today he got a bumblebee cake pop and an iced matcha; I got a cheese danish and an iced oat milk chocolate espresso.   (Nataleigh and I both love oat milk.   Noelle is the one who introduced me to it.)  I’m here again because my WI-FI went out at home and Nataleigh and I tried troubleshooting, first alone then she contacted an online agent.  We tried rebooting a few times and I even changed out the coaxial cable but nothing helped, so they’re sending out a technician tomorrow.  

I went through a fairly big stack of CDs that I had on my CD shelf.  None of them have cases!  I found one that I’d been looking for a couple weeks ago - English Anthems from the 20th century, including “Like as the Hart Desireth the Waterbrooks” by Herbert Howells, which is an absolutely gorgeous piece!- and one that is all Russel Oberlin!  I didn’t know I had a CD of him at all.  Nice find.  Wish I knew where all the cases went.  Even though they’ve just been sitting in a stack, some are dirty and may be scratched.  Caleb told me how to fix scratches with toothpaste, if that is indeed the problem.   I’ll have to see if I can find some cheap jewel cases, or the cloth-like double sleeve kind.  

Today is a gorgeous day!  Blue skies, slight breeze, sunny and high 70’s.  It can only make one’s mood better!  Ever since I started Klonopin and Ingrezza, my mood has been even.  I feel like my natural, been-this-way-my-whole-life self!  Me, integrated- smooth and even!

Mother’s Day & I found a recording of me doing a solo!

 Last night was our outing for (a belated) Mother’s Day.  My mom and Kevin and all three of my kids plus Jarrett - my middle daughter’s live-in boyfriend- and I were there.  We were going to eat at a Mexican place but they had an hour and forty-five minute wait so my mom secured a long table across the street at a pizza/bar type place.  Nobody got pizza actually: my mom and I got cavatappi mac ‘n cheese -my favorite- hers with bacon, mine with jalapeños.  Noah and I split a dessert: fried cookie dough in a fried roll cut in half diagonally with a scoop of vanilla ice cream drizzled with chocolate and caramel sauces.  I got cards- one of which had a $25 Starbucks gift card in it, which is good because after buying my contacts and eye exam last week, I’m broke (practically).  Next month will be tight, too, I’m predicting.  

I had a relaxing morning.  I listened to another professional recording that I did with the Grail Singers back around 2005.  It’s not as spectacular as the one when I was pregnant with Noah and I barely recognized a lot of the pieces but my name is printed on the CD insert so I must’ve sung for the recording!  Even better, I found a live concert CD of us and the third track is a Gregorian chant with a solo in the middle and darned it it isn’t me!  I don’t have a memory of singing that solo but that’s unmistakably my voice and my style of singing!  I also talked with Caleb this morning for about an hour and a half- not as long as sometimes but still a worthwhile conversation.  Just a few minutes ago I messaged him that I love him and he was happy about that.

Reading a journal from age 17

 Been listening to a different CD of Libera while reading a journal from the second semester of my senior year in High School.  The details are wonderful- remembering all those things I only had an outline in my mind about all these years later.  Of course it reads like my writing, and my youthfulness comes through.  I’d like to read a few bits to Caleb- things we’ve talked about.  For that matter, I should Facebook message Todd the bits where I explain my confusion at his suddenly not wanting to be friends anymore.   (He suddenly quit talking with me during that time period.)  At age 29, during a long-distance phone call, he asked me if I were sitting down and that “This is going to make everything make sense…”.  Pause.  “I’m gay,” he revealed simply.  Yup!  I told him that it all made perfect sense- the never wanting to be “more than best friends”.  So, so many times during our four/five year friendship I wanted to kiss him but never got the courage up enough to actually go through with it.  At one point when we were at his family’s house, his dad said to him quietly, “You know, I think ‘J’ likes you for more than a friend.”  And this whole time, I just put it down to his being a late bloomer!

Pdoc check-up and my poetry & a previous post

 I saw my new psych Nurse Practitioner this morning.  She was glad I was smiling and commented on it.  She raised my Ingrezza because a couple days ago I was having the tongue movements again.  She also refilled my Klonopin which I’ll get another day since I still have a few left.  I told her about my poetry and she said I should get it published!  That seems like such a hard task seeing as I have so many of them- most of which are hand-written in journals.  I’ve included several of my newest ones here on my blog- mostly in January and February 2021.  I need to try to write more.  It’s such an intense process. It’s cathartic to get these thoughts and feelings out.  

Today, my three kids- 21, 23 and 25- And their significant others and my mom and her husband and I are going out for a late Mother’s Day meal.  That should be fun: it’s at a local favorite Mexican restaurant.

I’m re-reading the article Evidence and Ethics on: Circumcision that I posted about previously here.  (You can type the title into the search bar here and it should come up.It’s from January 1, 2021.)  It’s a great intro into the topic for those of you having  children or grandchildren soon.  Even just for a good informational read.  This topic is controversial still even though the stats nationwide are about 50/50 and dropping- they’re lower on the West coast of the United States: about 25%.  

New nurse practitioner & Scripts - & lots more!

 Listening to my favorite “boy band”, Libera, as I write this.  Look them up.  They have their own site and a YouTube channel.  

Been five months since I last wrote.  Been doing very well.  I feel like myself!  Yesterday, I listened to “The Hidden Spirit”, a CD of 16th and 17th century choral pieces by women for women.  I was five and a half months pregnant with my youngest child the two days in May, 2001 that we recorded this album.  I have a solo on Track 2  and I can hear myself in other tracks even though we are blending flawlessly.  I used to love to sing Gregorian chant with this group: such power in uniting our voices as one big voice!  

As far as my voice is concerned I have been seeing a voice therapist since March this year.  I don’t feel that I’m making much progress and I still can’t sing above about an A or B-flat.  Very disappointing.  I am singing every day and doing my exercises several times a day yet my upper range is still messed up.  Gone are the days of my women’s choir- that voice was 22 years ago!  

I got a new psychiatric Nurse Practitioner back in March.  My old one retired at the end of April- she called me about that time to say an official farewell which I thought was kind of her.  After all, we’d been a team for at least fifteen years.  The new NP is very nice and though I’ve only seen her for one session so far, I saw both her at my last appointment with my old psych NP.  In fact, I see her tomorrow morning- a month after my last appointment.  My old NP had added Klonopin for sleep back in August and it has been a miracle drug!  Not only am I not staying/waking up at all hours of the night, but the terrible anxiety that followed me everywhere and consumed my every thought is gone!   She also added Ingrezza for bad akathisia.  Although I’ve gained ten pounds from not constantly rocking back and forth and shuffling my feet and legs around, my tongue hasn’t been moving around in my mouth (except to eat and talk of course!) so much at all anymore, too.  

I have annual paperwork that comes around about the end of April.  I always seem to dread when I see it in the mailbox because there is so much to it.  However this year I mailed it off yesterday- only three weeks out of six that I had between when it arrived and when I had to get it back to them.  There is so much to do- it’s practically a full-time job in itself!  It should arrive either tomorrow or early next week- three weeks before the deadline.  

I went to the eye doctor a week ago.  I got an eye exam plus a contact lens exam because I wanted to order more contacts in my updated prescription.  I also got glasses.  The frames are plain black but don’t look too bad on me considering I only had six pair to choose from that my insurance would pay for. Both my glasses and contacts came in today but I was only able to pick up my glasses as they didn’t call to tell me that my contacts had just come in until five-to-five- right before they close.  I will get them on my way to my appointment tomorrow.  

For about three months now, Caleb and I have been getting a lot closer.  He came to see me about a month ago and in one more month he is coming to see me and we’re going to a concert of one of his favorite artists that I’ve never heard- not even a recording.  I’ve also set out some of my DVDs and CDs that we’ve talked about on the phone.  We probably won’t play all of them in their entirety except maybe “Office Space” because we both love that movie and he hasn’t seen it in a long time.  

It’s Been a Year!

 It’s been a year since I last posted!  

The year was ok in general.  But 3 months ago I saw my voice specialist.  Last time I’d seen him was 4 years ago.  I still can’t sing past C above middle C and on that particular day last October I was getting over a cold so I could sing down to the C below middle C.  This is exactly a tenor’s range!

The voice specialist had me read a short story while he was making a video of my vocal cords.  He compared it to the exact same thing from 4 years prior. I had zero memory that I’d read that very same story before but I had.  

In his notes, the voice doctor noted the tremor in my hands and wrote that my voice now has a tremor! I showed these notes to my primary doctor and to my Pdoc.  Pdoc decided to take me off Haldol and the cogentin that was supposed to be for side effects from the Haldol.  The cogentin I’d taken myself off because it gave me such a dry mouth! 

Now I’ve been off Haldol for a couple of weeks and I can’t tell if my voice has a quaver in it or not because I couldn’t hear it in the first place.  Maybe if was from the cold I was getting over at the time.  Or maybe it really was the Haldol.  

Pdoc also put me on Ativan for akathisia.  I take it twice a day.  

Hallucinations wise, I haven’t had any except maybe today when I thought I saw someone standing nearby our table at a restaurant but they vanished right before I turned my head up to get a proper look.

This is my update for now.  I guess no one reads this except my dad and my friend in Florida.