Flying in Precipio

There I was again. At Meijer. On the balcony. I'd gone up there to use the bathroom. In my sweatpants and sweatshirt, I'd intended on working out this morning. Didn't happen. I'd been talking with my friend on the phone. I leaned my forearms far against the railing. Looking out over the balcony, I saw lots of stuff. Millions of individual things! How many there are, infinite, back, forth, left and right, and between them all the people going by below. They can't see me!

I saw myself climbing over the balcony again. Lifting my leg up. Leaning over! I could FLY! Across the building, floating through infinite space! The air was my playground and it was all mine. What a waste it is that we don't use the air around us! This time, however, I happened to tell this to my friend on the phone and he said, "No, you can't," quite firmly. Maybe I can't. Maybe... Everything out in front of me is shimmering. Shining brightly! Calling to me. "Come here..." it seems to say. Earlier, I had called my psych. dr. and left a message with some of what I'd written about yesterday- about the cat and the sun talking to me. As of this typing, she still hasn't gotten back to me. I guess I don't matter.

After going to Meijer, I went to Best Buy to buy a tablet. I nearly did, but I couldn't afford an external keyboard to go with it. I need it to type into my blog! Right now, I am using my friend's laptop again. I talked with the sale's guy for fifteen minutes, it must've been. I could've gotten a cheaper one, but I wanted one that went with a keyboard so I could touch-type because its faster to get ideas out. I had also looked at Meijer for one but nothing caught my fancy. I didn't have enough money for an ipad mini with keyboard which would've been nice.

I don't know how long I will be this way. In some ways, I feel normal. In others, not. Why don't I jump off that balcony? Is it too much trouble? I really don't know. It doesn't seem scary in the least. Just flying into peace. Into that peace of yesterday's post- in paradisium. There is something out there that I must learn. Something that is being taught to me through the sun. Though everything being more vivid that usual. In the lights in Meijer glinting. I need to find out what it is. I said yesterday that I know everything. Not yet. Not quite yet. Something awaits. Its close. Its so close.