Psychotic Breaks?

 My dad once referred to my having a psychotic break but I really think I haven't. I don't know if my dad thought that because of what I write in my bipolar blog - including the recent poetry- because I don't remember writing "Pdoc says it was a psychotic break..." I have felt persecuted at times though. Most recently, I though people were out to steal my identity- and why not, when a commercial for Lifelock comes on several time an hour on tv? Another time, I thought there were people in my walls coming to get me. Or the time I was convinced these two people were following me and my daughter- all the way into the parking garage and ALMOST to our car, when they got into their own car. I'm not sure if these are psychotic breaks or just my imagination. I thought aliens were at the balcony door/window- knocking ever so lightly- when I was 20 and had just gotten my wisdom teeth out. My parents said it was the pain meds making me think those things. That same time period, I thought the dark was coming to get me. The blackness of the windows at night was coming inside to get me. Again- meds or...?

While Day is Done

 O Sweetness

My love

My jewel!

Your forehead I kiss

Singing to your bliss

Wand'ring round

We go up and down

That path so curved

Where all your cares be served

Wond'ring how

Your pains were eased

All your tumult be ceased

O Sweetness

O Love

O Joy!

Singing thy peace

My Dear, sweet babe

Your contentedness may never cease.

Sweet slumber

Dear rest

In ease

I sing you this song

While day is done.

A Tender Bliss

 Silently I hide

Away- I am to myself inside

In perpetuity to secret myself away

Into the twilight

That is my mind to stay.

And to a little one all quiet and sedate

Nigh, I turn my thoughts to create.

A tender heart from internal ways,

Subdued for all your days.

No solitude,

My lovely friend

A comfort to my end

Without you I fall deeper.

O when I feel your sweet caress

A gentle sigh

While you are wonderfully nigh.

O sweetest joy!

Come to my breast

With ease at your rest

My sweetest boy.

Silently, you sleep embraced by my deep

Love to always keep

You safe in my heart-

O deep, caressing-

Child to whom I am singing.

And I tell you this:

I will give you rest

Every day I am here

A gentle comfort

So near-

A tender sleeping bliss,

My Dear.

In Time I Sing

 In time I sing a song with spirit

For a longing so near it

That the pleasures they possess

In here increase in flesh

Love to bring my days with ease

All ways to please

By your charms

Unless you save me in your arms.

But my heart is worn

By your woeful scorn

I shall perish at thy breast

For I can no longer 

Feel comfort in my rest.

A Parting Sigh

 When I am free

Where'er I do fly

I am beneath so far,

Mine soul does cry.

All is lost

Joy ephemeral

O gone is my bliss

With sorrow I do kiss

Your timorous being.

Disgorge my overflowing heart

As such can I never salvage

My efflorescent mind.

But then my blissful soul you prove

Pleasures and pain you move.

O pity me

If by constant tenderness

Ah! Cruel evening breeze

Which made me freeze!

Sorrow is my friend

Sleeping there at my end

Never wanting for a parting sigh

I fall and softly die.

My Longing Alone

Be still my subtle muse
All sorrow is nigh
My soul cannot refuse
A suffering woeful sigh.

In mourning with the sacred muses
Pity the soul which scorn chooses.

Now tolls the bell
Sweetly ringing goes
Into my breast
My weary self to rest.

Awake the knelling of a calling
My sweet heart felling
All my sinful sighs
Cannot tie
A broken mind
To itself in esse unkind.

Softly
Sings my song
Love is
Through Death piping my longing alone.

While I in Grief

While I in grief

My silent spirit goes

Do all my torments bestow

No restful cares below.

For I am plagued with strife-

Within the shadows and the light-

Where all your pains are eased

A comfort I do not know.

While I in grief

No visions of relief

What sorrow I do feel

Surpassing all that is real.

And to my sorrows near

An element of fear

Climbs into my heart

My unknown to start.

Soon I fall into a part

Of Death-

That cannot lead to rest.

A fitful maze

I climb anew

And cheerful notes

Are but few.

Time brings a tolling knell

Around this terrible thing I tell

When all is lost I see

A soulful place to be.

O hear my call!

O see my fate

With darkened memories I will wait

For me to fall

Into Death's wiley charms.

While I in grief

My silent spirit goes

Do all my torments bestow

No restful cares below.

Not all my Torments

 Not all my torments

Will your pity move

All my cares

Does your cold heart remove.

A subtle torment-

You do me wrong

A torture O so long!

In sorrow I sing this song-

Your heart does mine great scorn

For pleasures you greatly remove

A final sigh does not improve

A weary soul-

Is worn.

A final call to life

Within my hour of strife

A tolling bell-

A resounding knell-

For I will fall until I die.

And you may be the why-

And when-

I don't return again.

Not all my torments

Will your pity move

All my cares

Does your cold heart remove.

When Fate Calls

When I am at rest,

My mind goes down below

All the pleasures they bestow

Unwelcome guests.

On a rock I rest 

The tide threatening

To take me

Where I know best.

At once I am called to that place so deep

With ease I have wept

A comfort where I slept.

Falling-

My way calling

To an endless turning

My soul surely burning

For when fate calls you

You go to certain misery.

Round and round

Floating and yearning

O my Dear!

O my Dear!

Gently falling

When I am at rest,

My mind goes down below

All the pleasures they bestow

Unwelcome guests.