I can't catch a break

I can't seem to catch a break. Well, today I'm okay. I went to go the grocery store and out to spend gift cards withmy youngest. That was nice. But for the last week, I've been so anxious. I realize that I type about being anxious a lot, but this week I can hardly shake it. I keep calling the psych ER and afterhours at my new pdoc. Its worse at night, of course. I have taken ativan several nights. I just can't shake it most of the time. Right now I'm feeling okay, though. Most days lately though I just feel so anxious and so down I don't knonw what to do with myself. Its hardly worth writing about. I see my old pdoc coming up soon and I can't wait to see her even though I know it will be the last time probably. Then a week later I see my new pdoc. I've called the psych ER a few times and the after-hours people at the new places a few time too. They all say take ativan or do deep-breathing exercises. I am feeling like my life is broken and I just can't fix it. And more than that its been broken and Ive let it be that way. I think I'm a good person though so there's that. Who loves me? Anybody? My kids? Some friends? Every night I climb into bed with my new heated matress pad and feel soooo warm and nice and watch tv and try to not think kof anything bad. Right now its hours from bedtime. I've been on a dating site seeing what type ofpeople write to me. Its interesting. One guy gave me a laundry list of questions to answer and another just said "may the wonder of God be with you" or somthing like that. That was so warming some how. No pressure, just niceness.I guess that's a break, isn't it?