Friday, September 14, 2018

Happy is So Hard/ Almost Inpatient

After feeling depressed this morning, I decided to go back to sleep. Felt depressed still when the phone woke me up at 11ish. It was xfinity wanting a bunch of stuff about my plan. I think I got it straightened out. Then the pdocs office called to check on me. I told them I am feeling more depressed lately and that I think my meds are messed up. He said something about a med box but i said i already have blister packs and that its all the med changes that are getting to me. I got dressed and got starbucks.

 I told my case manager I need IP when she gave me the choices- a 72 hour hold being one. But when she came back in the room she had a new plan: rearrange my meds- including upping my haldol to 6 mg. They organized the pills for me so theres that and also said to call if i need to. Im a little bummed. How more ways can I feel awful besides delusions paranioa hallucinations and depression? They also said it would take some time for the new doses to take effect.

Mulling over the idea of SH. Trying to drown out thoughts by blasting Adele 25.  

Im happy this way. Happy is so hard.

My youngest just put on Faure's Requiem.

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