Buzzing Brain, Lips and Hands

Sitting at Starbucks. Its Saturday. I'm in a "good" seat by the fireplace. Its nice and warm. My friend is here with me. We're both just surfing online. I've been feeling rather optimistic the last few days. My therapist had told me about a place that can help you with your finances and I finally got the guts to look them up online. They seem like they might be good. I also got a lead on a job and I'm waiting for her to email me this weekend about it but supposedly I start Tuesday. If I could get both of these things going I would feel so much better! I think a great weight would be lifted. But for now, I just wait wait wait. I did talk with the woman about the job on the phone and it all seemed optimistic.

Earlier, I was feeling off a bit. I had dropped the kids off at parties, or they were home, or out with friends. So much social buzzing going on this weekend for them. And then I felt alone, I guess. And felt like *I* was buzzing internally. That old familiar feeling but it didn't feel good. Starting-to-be detached feeling. And on top of it, my hand was buzzing like it was asleep- a side effect of the Topomax it seems. I'd gone to the doctor the other day saying my lips have been numb off and on and so have my hands and she said that that can happen on to the Topomax but that its nothing to worry about. I'm just glad its gone. At the moment, those feelings are pretty much gone, thank goodness. I had thought it was the coffee I'd had earlier. I wasn't feeling really bad, just buzzed in a really weird way and I didn't like it. I went and had something to eat and thought maybe that was it, but it turns out I'm not having blood sugar issues after all, and that didn't really help even though I hadn't eaten all day. In fact, I couldn't finish the small meal! Maybe I'm just nervous. Up until this afternoon, I've been feeling happy and optimistic about things. Well, not always. Last night, I couldn't sleep because I'd taken Nataleigh out to see Les Mis. and it ended at midnight and by the time I tried to go to sleep it was after 1. Too late. So I felt overly tired and couldn't sleep. I had to use Ativan. If I'm to get this job, I can't do that! No way. Up and at 'em in the a.m. with bells on. :)

I saw my psychiatrist/nurse practitioner yesterday. Turns out my hunch was right: She's pregnant. It was hard to tell a month ago or so when I saw her, but now its obvious that she's about 5 months pregnant. Her first. How exciting. Those days were so long ago for me. The appointment was fine. Seems I have enough refills on file and all of that. My Lithium level may be off hence why I've been very thirsty lately, so I'm rechecking that on Monday morning.

So at the moment I feel fine but somewhat hungry. Odd how I got so full but now am hungry. I didn't work out today but I'm not going to beat myself up about it.