I talked to the psych ER nurse who talked to a dr. I'm stopping Saphris and keeping Zyprexa and adding Ativan until the morning when I call her. An update after that.
I took Ativan and am in bed with a heating blanket. I am feeling much more relaxed.
It's the next day and I've been a bit hypomanic all day. Had a good yet flighty conversation out at lunch today. I am very bouncy. Not very poetic. Part of that is typing this on my iPod today. Waiting for my nurse practitioner "pdoc" to call me back. I left a message for her this morning.
Also, I heard the voices again last night. Not hearing them now, though. Wait, wait, wait for the phone to ring...
Was leaping about the kitchen as I started putting the chicken cooking. No call. No call. Well, there's always the PER if things get to where I can't stand them. Ativan later tonight, again. I want to scream but am not. I can't get my thoughts out typing at a snail's pace!
I am sitting here swinging my leg over and over. Im having repetitive thoughts that I am evil. I want to scream. I want to attack people. But it's all in my mind. I feel very ill-at-ease. I need to cry. Inside, I have such internal restlessness and I can't get it out of me! I feel evil. Those thoughts telling me that this is ok!!! I need help. Oh help. Just like my manic posts: oh help!
My dr called back and I missed the call! She is going to try again any minute which is why I'm trying to get this down on a laptop. What I typed before that got eaten by my ipod: I called the psych ER. I told them that I hear voices now telling me to kill things. They aren't voices outside my head as before, but like a separate "internal voice" lives inside my head with mine. I can't sit still. I am buzzing inside so much! Waiting for the call.... I can see more ativan in my future. Maybe even a PER visit. Won't know until the phone rings rings rings rings... I don't know why the voice said to kill things. I think I want to kill this feeling is what I want to kill. I don't feel angry at all. Oddly lucid.
My doctor called. She says I have akathisia. That's what the internal restlessness is. She said the thoughts aren't psychosis but part of the akethesia. She said if I think I'm going to act on them, I need to go to the ER. So far, I'm not. What I AM going to be is sedated as she wants me to take 1 mg twice a day of Ativan. Then I see her relatively soon. In the meantime I'm still on the lower dose of Zyprexa. No more Saphris. Oh well. Back to the drug drawing board. Back to drugging me so I can't act on things - my thoughts. I hate that I am my brain. This feeling is so uncomfortable, that my brain told me to kill things. I dunno why it did that. Of course, she said I need to go to the ER, but she says she doesn't think they're psychosis. We're thinking that the Ativan will slow me down enough that this feeling with go away. For now. Then I take more Ativan in the morning. Oh joy. Every day until I see her again and we pick a NEW brain-altering drug!
Sorry that you had such a bad reaction to the Saphris. Hope that you're feeling better soon.
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