O Solitude

Feeling depressed when I'm not really used to it is weird.  Its hard.  I have the symptoms and my pdoc says I have it but like when I am manic, I just can't see it.  Everything feels dark, but at the same time, I want to crawl into a small dark place and never come out.  I am being lead by an invisible force/being.  I am falling away, even as I see myself I can't stop.  I wait for bad things to keep happening - its like I'm constantly dodging them.  I can't hold still on top of it all.  I yearn for music- angels singing, voices ringing.  I seek the lithe tones and the fullness of souls yearning for help, yet cherishing every sob, every wave of pain.  I fall into the darkened cold, cold skies and stay still, motionless.  Quiet.  Solitude.