Starbucks & Stuttering

Met someone that shows up at Starbucks nearly every time I do. He said his name is Kenwa. Interesting name. Wonder if the three of us- me, my friend and this person- will talk more now. I feel on edge. Bored really. I don't have my earphones so videos are out of the question.The boards here are slow because its Saturday. Sometimes, I really hate myself. I hate bipolar. I hate just being. What a curse. It ate my brain. Munch.I am out with my friend but I still feel a bit weird. But this is just anxiety I think. My friend is talking about nuclear fallout. Nice. My favorite subject. He did buy me a coffee though. I wonder if we'll go out to eat later. Its only 3 right now. What do i care about nuclear fallout? A bomb could go off a mile from here and what would I care?

I was just looking at a photo on the wall of a woman. She is life-size. She's holding a basket of coffee beans. She has a fake smile on. The more I looked at her, the more she changed. Her face became a mean face. It became the face of the devil! She didn't want me looking at her! I continued, however. Her face changed from mean to happy to mean again. Her basket changed and moved too. Was she nice or was she evil? I still can't tell. Her expression changed from one to the other. Her eyes, too, changed from nice to menacing. Her lips curled up into a pucker of disdain for me.

I've also noticed, as of late, that I stutter. I can't get a word started, or if I do, it get stuck for quite a few seconds before it comes out. Its not just that I can't get the words out, but a mix between that and not knowing what word might come out! They really do get stuck! Its especially frontal consonants like "P"s and "D"s. I'm not sure if its one of my medications doing that or if its something else. I would guess that I'm trying to get words out so quickly that I'm stumbling, but it really feels more like they get stuck mid-syllable and take a few seconds to become un-stuck.I'll have to remember this for next time I talk with my psychiatrist.