Roller Coaster: Falling Through My Fingers

I'm not good. Today I can't keep things in my memory and its making me very anxious. I put a call in to my pdoc. It just says to call me so she probably is annoyed by me and wont call. My heart is racing a bit. I feel like everything is falling through my fingers. My thoughts, my ideas, my whole mind... Falling down, like the proverbial sand through fingers. In moments its gone, but there is so much more sand to be sifted.

I can't stand this feeling. It not only feels like someone is after me, but its a constant gnawing feeling - like I'm buzzed on nine cups of coffee and riding a roller coaster that goes through the station but never lets me off.

I can watch tv shows or take Ativan, but these only warp my vision as the roller coaster still goes- its just not as noticeable. Its the out-of-control feeling of the roller coaster, rather than the up-and-down which people usual associate with it. I'm used to the downs and ups. Its the anxiety- the out-of-control- that is getting to me. Its been several weeks. Someone let me off. Please.