Great & Bipolar / Talked to my Therapist

My appointment is switched to Friday for an hour instead of half an hour. She wants the Ativan out of reach. She says if the intrusive thoughts get so bad that I start looking for weapons, THEN call psych ER. Otherwise, ride it out two or three more days until my appointment. She said I might be scaring my friends by posting here, but this is where I get my feelings out. My friends know they can always talk to me, too.

I got a nice message from a friend, essentially saying I am great even while bipolar- in fact, I'm great AND bipolar! It made my day. He said he wouldn't want me any other way. I said that I hate my brain and he replied, "don't hate it... i like how you are with it. some friends just can't take the difference."

And speaking of relationships, the one I thought I'd ended, keeps texting me and just now keeps trying to be cute and ask sweet questions about how my day is going and I just replied that "our relationship sucks and is great simultaneously". Ha! When will he get a clue?! Pretty soon, it will just be gone. He keeps fishing for me to still be around. If I'm not for any length of time, he reels me in again. Round and round we go. The game continues. I'd rather be told how great I am! I really should go see THAT friend!! He's having a hard time at work, so he likely won't want to get together soon, but you never know. I should ask anyway. I haven't seen him since June and its now March! Oh - other friend (the one I thought ended) replied about how our relationship sux but is good at the same time: "I know". That's a huge step! But... Merry-go-round. Songs sung. Etc. Etc... I'd rather be great and bipolar.