Drugs & Alcohol

After my humorous memes, I thought I'd get back to another serious topic: Drugs and alcohol.

One of the symptoms of bipolar is the use of alcohol and other drugs. In fact, there is a term, "Dual Diagnosis", which you'd think means "Two different diagnoses", but what it really means is "Bipolar and alcoholic". I could just leave it at that and say, "Yes we use them. Yes, we're told not to. The end." But, of course, I'll go a bit deeper.

When I get hypomanic, I want to do things I shouldn't. Its as if I don't care and all the little parts of my brain saying "You shouldn't", are silenced by the part that says, "I don't care. I'll do what I want." Its almost defiance, but its more like partying and ignoring the problems that could happen. More of an "I'm going to do this anyway." And really, the fear of the bad side effects are brushed aside. Why shouldn't we drink? Partly, it has an effect on our mood, but also it makes it harder for the liver to do its job. Nearly every psych. med. says "Do Not Drink Alcohol". Why do we drink? Sometimes Ativan doesn't do its job to calm and stop the racing thoughts of hypomania, or the anxious, internal restlessness of a mixed episode. Again, its a defiance of what he know we SHOULD do.

A bit ago, I was invited out to a friend's birthday party at a bar. I had four drinks, basically. That's a lot for me. And I didn't feel anything more than silly. My poor liver probably hates me but hey- she hasn't called lately and if she has I've ignored her. After the party, I went outside and one of the people there gave me a cigarette. I don't smoke. But I smoked this one. Also, within the same month, I had smoked marijuana two or three times with different people. It doesn't always make you sedated. In fact, one of the times, I got very agitated and very talky and it may have been the start of my manic week. Again, these things just seem like a part of time that doesn't count, or that I'm in alternate universe. I just plain don't care, and in fact, enjoy hurting myself.

Sometimes, we do drugs to get us to feel nothing. The same as others, I guess. Alcohol can make us feel happy, or sedated and that's nice when you have too much on your mind. Marijuana can do the same if you don't take the kind I did above. Sometimes, I've taken Vicodin just for the high feeling. And sometimes, even when I've NEEDED it, I've had pain meds -like morphine- at the hospital for other issues, and yet enjoyed the checked-out feeling. (How much of that is from lack of pain and what is just mental I don't know. And they'd never give me any if they knew I even remotely enjoyed it.) That isn't to say, it always induces that feeling. Lots of times you just don't feel pain anymore. Period. That's a good thing!

So should I take any drugs besides my scripts? No. Have I? Yep. The feeling of urgency that comes with a mixed episode or a manic episode where you just MUST be calmed is so strong, that its no wonder we drink or take marijuana to try to calm down. What should you do? Call your psych dr. or the psych ER probably, but these things have a way of happening on the weekend or at night. I've never called the psych ER and said, "I think I'm hypomanic since I've had lots to drink and smoke tonight." I would guess that they'd say, "Well stop that, then!" The problem is that we don't have the "Oh. Okay." part of our brains working. Its as if anything goes and you've gotten the "immune" bubble around you in a video game.