Friday, August 24, 2018

I Can't. I Just Can't....

Is this a stupid thing to be sad about or am I just getting down or what?
Possible trigger: 
I was at my "buddy's" place and we didn't seem to be clicking. Ok we did some.... I mean we ALWAYS do and its been 13 years. So I'd told him I'd brought him a present and after a while I showed him it was under his pillow. He picked it up and said "These are heavy!" Then he thought for a second and said "I can't. I just can't." No reasons why. It hit me hard. I wanted to cry right then and there. It was the anticipation and the fact that I never dreamed that he'd say no. They were authentic handcuffs. After that he just quit. Just lay there and couldn't continue.
After a while, he got up and got some gin and tonic and begin getting out his art supplies and commenting on how he could draw me and my tattoos. I still was holding back tears. In fact, I did until I got ready to leave when I walked out the door and one tear rolled down my cheek.
Edit: seems he probably lost his erection anf this upset him.  I didn't realize this at the .the time.

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