I say "again" but it had been since about 2016 that I'd been hospitalized. This time, I called the my pdoc's office and talked with someone on the crisis team. I had been gathering pills and going to far as to put them in my hand with a glass of iced coffee next to me. I knew it was just a matter of time before I got brave enough to take all the pills.
I started to drive myself to the psych ER 7 miles away, but my mom said to go to the one that is literally down the street from where I live. So I went home and waited for K, my mom's husband, to pick me up. My mom came up to the hospital to be with me once I got a room in the ER. So much nicer than the other hospital- they have chairs but no beds really and you end up staying up all night while they wait to see you and then find you a bed in a hospital if that's what you need.
At this closer hospital, I just watched TV in my room. I had to get someone to take me to the bathroom because this was protocol. I had my door open and so did most other people in that hallway. One was psychotic or manic or both. She wouldn't stay in her bed or stop trying to escape. They finally had police and lots of medical personnel come hold her down and give her a cocktail of some night-night meds. She fought it hard, though! Eventually, she fell asleep. In the room next to mine, I watched as doctors strapped a woman to her bed. These weren't the thick leather straps- they were white and looked soft. It's just that she couldn't get out of bed that way. Both these people were very loud! Screaming at times, but mostly shouting unintelligible things. I thought I shouldn't be there with them because after all "I'm not that bad off". Apparently, that's not the way things work. Just because I didn't need a shot of Haldol+ doesn't mean I wasn't sick, too.
They finally found me a room an hour and 20 minutes away. They had an ambulance take me. The ride seemed short, but I did doze off for a bit. (I hadn't slept all night, despite having a bed because I didn't have any distilled water for my CPAP.) We left around 8 a.m.
My stay in the hospital was par for the course of being in a mental hospital. Groups, TV, lots of other patients of all sorts. I mainly kept to myself. This is unlike me. Usually, I'm very social. I spent my time napping, reading or on the phone with friends. At first I was pretty depressed and slow. The doctor who saw most of us, was kind of a flake. He decided the reason I had this episode of depression was because of a break up between me and a friend 6+ weeks ago. It didn't phase me- that isn't the case! He took one look at my file and said "You're on too many of the wrong meds!" Then he looked at my list of meds I can't take and concluded that there was nothing he could do for me! So they ended up sending me home on the same meds I came in with. Luckily, I talked with Caleb a fair amount and that was cheerful and engaging.
We got 3 square meals a day. I thought we were the best fed patients! Everything about that food was just sustainable, but it did taste good. I just wouldn't say it was haut cuisine. We colored and had groups. We talked about various things. There was one patient there who was a homeless alcoholic who spoke of going right back out and drinking again even with "the DTs". I felt bad for him. Everything out of his mouth was negative. Everything. Then there was the girl who went around to others chattering at us in a fast, choppy tone. I mostly ignored her. In fact, I didn't make any "friends" there except maybe one of the people who works there. He was very helpful and never criticized.
After 5 days, I got picked up by Kevin and we drove the hour and 20+ minutes to the pharmacy. You see, my meds were due to be picked up anyway and my mom had picked up a bottle of Rexulti from my pharmacy and drove it to the hospital! This is because the hospital could order all my meds from their pharmacy but not Rexulti for some reason. So when Kevin and I got back to the pharmacy to hand the Rexulti to the pharmacist so she could add them back to the blister packs and then give me the completed packs.
