While I in Grief

While I in grief

My silent spirit goes

Do all my torments bestow

No restful cares below.

For I am plagued with strife-

Within the shadows and the light-

Where all your pains are eased

A comfort I do not know.

While I in grief

No visions of relief

What sorrow I do feel

Surpassing all that is real.

And to my sorrows near

An element of fear

Climbs into my heart

My unknown to start.

Soon I fall into a part

Of Death-

That cannot lead to rest.

A fitful maze

I climb anew

And cheerful notes

Are but few.

Time brings a tolling knell

Around this terrible thing I tell

When all is lost I see

A soulful place to be.

O hear my call!

O see my fate

With darkened memories I will wait

For me to fall

Into Death's wiley charms.

While I in grief

My silent spirit goes

Do all my torments bestow

No restful cares below.

Manic Memories

 I've had times when I've been very angry and screamed at people and had no idea that I was manic! I don't KNOW I'm delusional when I'm delusional. I want the crazies to stop. I want the others that I'm screaming at to stop screaming at ME! It never occurs to me that they might be screamign back at my screaming. EIther way, its not good. I left a fight like that once and took my car out and drove to a drug store, calling my sister telling her

Possible trigger: 

I wanted to kill myself

and so my sister asks me where I am and the police show up but I'm on the phone with my pdoc by then so when I get out of my car, two cop cars have blocked me in and the police are searching my car with flashlights. The end of that story is that they called an ambulance and my sister showed up and said she wanted to cancel the call, but they said "Nope! It' too late now. The wheels are in motion!!" (The wheels of the process not the ambulance wheels!) I ended up at the psych ER and they let me go and my sister drove me home. So yeah- you can see how things get out of control when I'm manic!