Hypomazing!

 So no call back.  Grr.  I wonder if they will call tomorrow.  I still feel like I'm not important enough to call back again.  Like pdoc said to my case manager, "Oh HER again??!  Just don't reply.  She'll go away eventually..."  Still listening to Rene Jacobs.  It quit raining but its all dripping out now.  I have snacked all day.  Some chicken here, a dry fake peanut butter sandwich there, and apple over there.  I had a granola bar, too.  

I'm kinda sleepy.  Guess I'm not hypomanic after all if I'm sleepy at 7:30 p.m.!  I got up at 9.  I went out and did a lot of errands, including doing the $30 rebate for my contacts.  It was a lot to do just for 15% of the cost.  But oh well. I'm getting a visa gift card with the money on it.  That's good for what?  I'm not sure!  A couple more pix and frames!  hahahahahaha!  Eleven are not enough!  I made a TikTok out of my pix, but it kept cutting off the end. I guess I need to hold it at the end?? They wanted a photo of two boxes of the contacts- the info on the end of the box where your script is.  My script is the same for both eyes, so I still took one pic with both boxes in it.  Otherwise, they would be like, "You're missing a box.  Redo this whole application! Ahhahahahahaha!"  I really think I printed out too many photos.  And for what?  I never have people over.  The one person who HAS seen what they look like said I'm going to be an old lady who writes the people's names on their pic on the front.  I just felt like these few pix needed immortalized.  I need to make another photo book- that's what I need to do, but first I need to study the books I already have to make sure that I don't put the same photo in the new book as in an old one.  That is a long process!  And a perilous one because you're working with a program the whole time that is drag and drop and type-on-the-page.  It's always precarious until you hit that final submit and even then its like "Will it go through or not?"  What I really need to do is get some new pix of all the kids that are current.  Then I'll really be happy.

Still no call from pdoc or the case manager.  I think they left without calling me back.  I wonder if pdoc even opened the email from the case manager.  I think I shouldn't have called. I called because people in the bipolar chat last night said I should, but when I tell them that pdoc and CM think its weird.  Of COURSE they do!  Wait till I plunge into depression and guilt WRACKS me woefully!  All for printing pix.  I started out with the one of N3 - the super close up of his face pouting- and then I had to have more then I had to have MORE!  Now I have them SURROUNDING me in my living room!  All for what- for me to see them every day and get bored of them and want MORE??  Nobody is going to see them, really.  Except whoever looks at my TikTok, which I MADE that video for my friend Christine to see how many I have!  

I'm out of the habit of writing poetry.  It was all in January and mostly February.  I haven't written in my blog in over a month, as there are no posts from March, and so far none for April. 

Moving Troubles! Good Vibes Needed!

I am having troubles with the move- again!  Good vibes are needed.  I called and talked with the new complex who said its Friday that I'm being inspected. (I was hoping for today, Tuesday, or Wednesday so that I could move in on Thursday.) Can move that day but we wont know what time just yet. I emailed the section 8 worker but she hasn't gotten back to me yet. I called my current landlord who said I have to pay an extra day but that I have to put my keys in the drop box by Monday at 8 a.m. I'm working on getting the keys from the kids so I can't hand them back. So this COULD all work out if my mom and her husband and the movers are free- and the lady who wants the piano. The big problem is the movers.  If they can't do it Friday we will have to move everything ourselves. I don't know what time I'll be moving- depends on when the inspection is.  The movers don't have any open spots on Friday!  It's going to cost $300 plus $100/hr!  My section 8 worker says she has to have confirmation from the inspector of the unit passing before she can give me the ok to move in.  I hope the inspector emails her asap on Friday!  This is all my fault for not getting the paperwork to the new complex in time.  I think we can get the stuff moved on our own, if the movers don't get an opening for Friday.  It would just be much easier and nicer if we could have movers, of course.  Mentally, I am just ready to be moved already!  I cannot stand all these changes, even though I think I am dealing with them well.  We moved me into here without movers, so why not move me out/in without them?  Obviously, movers would help tremendously - It's going to take a miracle for them to be free on Friday.  Good news is that my aunt is free Friday and so is Caleb.  My friend Cassandra has three able-bodied boys that can help, but they are in online school until 3:00.  Speaking of kids, I hope my three kids can help, too.  They are able-bodied and young!    N2 might be working, but we will see about the other two.  Depending on when the inspection is, we may be moving in the evening.  We shall see.  At least we know when the inspection is, now.

Good Friends

I have mentioned this person before, but last night we had a chat again. He said I am wonderful- again. No matter that messed-up things I tell him about me, he still seems to like me. I said that I suck and he replied, "not suck! not not not". And then, "you have challenges, but you handle them! you are lovely". These are the comments that keep me going! I told him I'm glad he's around and he says thank you, "the feeling is mootual". Gives a person warm fuzzies! A few says later, I was talking about my job interview process, saying, "I am smiley an happy. People should like me!" after he commented, "don't worry. be your usual smiley happy self" and then replied that, "we do! all the voices in my head love you!" Hahahaha!

These are only current examples. But they really make me feel better. We can talk about most anything. In fact, when I was manic last fall, we got into an argument over circumcision- and I wouldn't back down and was quite nasty. That was the mania talking. I was quite upset later that I'd acted that way. I told him then that I value our friendship much more than being right or wrong in an argument. Stupid brain! The point is, we got through that and I'm glad he's still my friend.

I have another friend who takes me to the ER or the Psych ER when needed and has stayed with me for hours upon hours and then driven me home. Not only that, he's kept me company! Sometimes, the friend in the first paragraph has talked with me on the phone during times in the psych ER and laughed with me to ease the pain, too.

I can't forget the friend who gets me though things every day. We talk or text every day. Whatever is going on in my life, we discuss. He's there for me almost at any hour of the day, as he gets up for work at 4:30 a.m. He's great for passing my thoughts by, for a laugh, and for a good friend - a different sort of friend, but all three are different in their own ways. All three wonderful in their own ways.

Then there are all my other friends who are close in their own way. I don't have as much contact with them, but they are there for me when I've been in the hospital, or had a weird drug reaction. They love me even when I'm having my most difficult times with bipolar.

I am glad to have such close, wonderful, loving friends.