Bipolar Update & End of October

 I just paid my second month of rent.  I paid October- my first month here- 10 days ago, as they weren't in a hurry for me to pay it for some reason; I had just paid the security deposit the day I moved in.  Today, I went out and got a money order and took it to the office and dropped it in the drop box.  I also checked the mail and I got my check for the bipolar study I've mentioned before!  Turns out that it's just about as much as my Visa bill will be!  (I got a Visa card- my first credit card in over 10 years.)  So, I'll pay it off no problem.  

The apartment is nice and cozy.  I've been watching AntennaTV- right now they are playing an early Bewitched episode. It's a channel that plays old shows- from the 60's, '70's, 80's.  I got a thermometer for the oven because I know it runs hot.  Next time I use it, I'll see what the thermometer reads.  It's been chilly in the evenings.  I had the thermostat set at 65, but I turned it up to 68.  That seemed to help.  I'm hoping that my bills will be less than they were at the old place- so far so good.  I need to find a good middle temperature- I don't like when the heat turns on all the time.  Plus, I take 10 minute showers- that's in the shower to dressed.  I did laundry yesterday and folded and put it away right away.  I'm keeping the place clean, too.  I swept and mopped and vacuumed about a week ago.  I also washed my CPAP mask and hose yesterday.  They are supposed to be fixing all the balconies next week.  I have two chairs and a table out there;  I guess they're going to have to come inside.  I hope they don't leave marks on this new carpet.  Good thing is, the people fixing the balconies are doing so from the outside only- they won't have to come inside the apartment!  That means no dirty shoes!

Let's see.  Bipolar wise, all is good.  I hope I can stay stable so I don't forget/get overwhelmed by the bills and the cleaning.  So far, so good.  In fact, I've been really good since I moved.  All the stress of moving itself and preparing to move is gone!  Yay!  That was one looooong month!  Every day, sorting and throwing stuff out and sorting and throwing stuff out and packing what I wanted to keep.  Then the actual moving day- that went so smoothly!  The moving guys we hired were so efficient and friendly.  Eventually, I got everything put away- after about a week.  And keeping the place clean keeps me even-keeled too.  

Well, my mother is coming to get me at some point today.  We are going shopping for yarn- something to crochet a blanket that matches my colorful lamp.  I also want those Christmas lights for my balcony!

The Absolute Truth

 Everything we think seems like the absolute truth.  Our brains would never lie to us.  If I sit here thinking about how I have to pay two months' rent at once next month, then I get anxious that I will spend the money that I need on other things.  Sometimes, I sit and my brain tells me that I'm stupid, or worthless, or terrific, the queen of the world, or like this past month when I was applying for and getting things situated for this new apartment.  I was sure the people that work for the complex didn't want me and were going to never call me or they'd tell me that I called too much.  But then I just "freaked out" and worried and worried!  I was SURE things were going to go all wrong!  But they didn't.  It took patience (ha!) and finally, my move-in day was here and the apartment was inspected right when we needed it to be and there was no lag between the movers packing the truck and when we were driving over to the new apartment complex.  All that worry for nothing!  And I've been here three days and nobody has bothered me.  This feels like the absolute truth.  Having a new apartment that I love and that is the absolute truth.  How do I know what the absolute truth truly is?  It is in that moment when we feel an emotion, or two, that twist our thoughts into something they may not have intended to be.  Everything we think is the absolute truth - to us, at that moment in time, and we go moment to moment with thought after thought.  When I am psychotic, that is the absolute truth- seeing my face as a monster in the mirror, thinking I am invincible, thinking I am a genius and can write the world's masterpiece, that God is telling me that secrets of the universe, that is my absolute truth.  Now. Always in the now.  Each now to each now.  It is my truth.

Third Day In New Apartment

 Today is my third day here at the new apartment!  It is also my middle child's (daughter) 21st birthday!  She went out to a restaurant/bar last night so that at midnight she could drink.  She said they messed up her plan- everyone was saying it was her birthday, so when the bartender got to her, she didn't even card her!  She is disappointed that she didn't get asked for her ID.  I don't get carded anymore and that's on the rare time that I drink anyway.  

I'm in the living room listening to Pergolesi's Stabat Mater sung by Rene Jacobs and Sebastian Hennig.  Famous recording.  I've had it for maybe 25 years, but this is a new copy because the old one skipped. I'm listening through my tv because it has much better sound than my regular CD player.  I've been putting away DVDs and CDs and VHS tapes today.  Unboxing and putting them on the shelves.  I'm going to have to store some in the boxes because I don't have enough room on the shelves.  Then again, there is the table that the TV is on which has lots of drawers...  These are the last few boxes I have to empty.

Mentally, I'm doing well.  Just a little anxious about setting up the portal to pay rent.  But I don't HAVE to do that for several weeks when the rent is due, but I probably should anyway.  I found a TV channel that plays old shows like Gimme and Break, Maude, Webster, Facts of Life, Three's Company, Bewitched, and I Dream of Jeanie, to name a few.  I'm enjoying it.  And this is through the TV antenna so it's free!  The reception is good, too.  I checked my mail and there was just stuff for the old people here and not anything important, it looked like, so I left it down in the shelf thingie under the mailboxes.  

My mom and Kevin came over to bring me two chairs and a table for my balcony.  Now I can sit out there and have my coffee.  If it ever gets warm again, that is.  It IS October!  There are what they call "Indian Summer" days that could happen, though!  I bought some chocolate chip oatmeal cookie mix yesterday.  I'm looking forward to baking and eating those.  I think I'll wait until N3 comes over so he can enjoy them, too.  Maybe even N1 and her girlfriend.  They need to see my new place.  They live in the same apartment complex, so they basically know what my apartment looks like, but not what it looks like with my stuff in it!  

I have to pay this month's rent and next month's rent together.  They just took the security deposit.  I will have to sign up for the portal before I can do that, though.  As it stands now, I don't even know how much my rent will be!  (That information hasn't come in the mail yet.)  I hope it will be as much as or less than what it was at the old place.  

I went grocery shopping yesterday.  Got a medium amount of food, plus laundry soap and Febreze.  So now I have food to eat.  I got blueberry bagels, cheese and crackers, frozen microwave meals, cream cheese, cookie mix, butter and eggs... Just stuff!  I want to make those cookies with N3 but it occurred to me that I don't have a cooling rack for the cookies.  I don't know where it went because I used to.  Maybe N2 has it?

Listening to Chime Again Beautiful Bells, on a CD all of old recordings of counter tenors, only these men sing in the soprano range (not castrati!).  The original scratch is on the recordings.  I'm not sure when these were recorded- 1920's and '30's I would guess.  This is a copy of the original album so I have no idea of the names of the singers or names of the songs.  

I'm kind of bored.  I know I have a few things to do still- I think I'll move some of the records over beside one of the shelving units instead of have them under the dresser that the TV is sitting on.  And I need to put away the VHS tapes.  I don't have many, but I do have some.  Especially important is N3's ultrasounds.  I haven't seen those in YEARS.  I thought I had one of N1, but I don't have it anymore if I did.  I also have a movie on VHS called "Almost Angels".  It's a fictional story about the Vienna Boys Choir.  

  

They're Doing the Paperwork!

 I called the new apartment complex to see if they would send me the link to the online portal again.  They said they would and that people are working on my paperwork!  Yay.  I hope they can get it done soon!  I've just been slowly moving things around.  I've got my youngest's room cleared out- two big bags of books to give away this weekend at my mom's.  

I'm doing well on my diet (not so well with exercise!).  I have lost about 10 pounds since I started a little over a month ago.  

I have some VHS tapes and books and CDs to give away.  That will probably be this weekend.

Let's hope that everything goes as planned! (Or better.)