Sunday, October 4, 2020

The Absolute Truth

 Everything we think seems like the absolute truth.  Our brains would never lie to us.  If I sit here thinking about how I have to pay two months' rent at once next month, then I get anxious that I will spend the money that I need on other things.  Sometimes, I sit and my brain tells me that I'm stupid, or worthless, or terrific, the queen of the world, or like this past month when I was applying for and getting things situated for this new apartment.  I was sure the people that work for the complex didn't want me and were going to never call me or they'd tell me that I called too much.  But then I just "freaked out" and worried and worried!  I was SURE things were going to go all wrong!  But they didn't.  It took patience (ha!) and finally, my move-in day was here and the apartment was inspected right when we needed it to be and there was no lag between the movers packing the truck and when we were driving over to the new apartment complex.  All that worry for nothing!  And I've been here three days and nobody has bothered me.  This feels like the absolute truth.  Having a new apartment that I love and that is the absolute truth.  How do I know what the absolute truth truly is?  It is in that moment when we feel an emotion, or two, that twist our thoughts into something they may not have intended to be.  Everything we think is the absolute truth - to us, at that moment in time, and we go moment to moment with thought after thought.  When I am psychotic, that is the absolute truth- seeing my face as a monster in the mirror, thinking I am invincible, thinking I am a genius and can write the world's masterpiece, that God is telling me that secrets of the universe, that is my absolute truth.  Now. Always in the now.  Each now to each now.  It is my truth.

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