She thought I was weird

Spent $201 this morning...

...on two new tires for my car. The left front had a nail in it, leaked (ya think?) every 2 or 3 days down to half inflated, I hit a pothole (HARD!) the other day, and the wear indicator in the tire was showing very well. They don't fix them, either! You have to see them coming and go around them (without going into traffic in the other lane of course). Unfortunately, last Sunday or whenever it was, I didn't see that pothole for ANYthing. I banged right into it full speed. It made a noise I don't want to hear again. I thought for sure we were 100% flat. Bent-the-rim flat. But, nope. Tire was okay. A little scraped up maybe. The thing making it flat (slowly) was that nail that was in it, come to find out. The right front was just as worn as the left, but no nails or potholes or leaks. So in I went for new tires. Warranty on them plus a snow-grade version added up to $201 total. Only problem is, I asked them to rotate them; they hadn't. They left the new tires on the front. My friend said that's best because its a front-wheel drive, but my mom's husband said you have to rotate every six months and mine hadn't been in quite a while. I'm conflicted, but I did have them rotated. Cars are expensive. This has something to do with bipolar how? Just about spending money - should I have gone for the cheapest tires? I went for a tiny bit more expensive. I just feel like I should never spend money. I just spent money on shoes for goodness sake! I know the car is safer now especially if it snows. It certainly seemed to handle better on the way home. I did kill the half-hour wait while they fixed it up by walking a few businesses down the street to Starbucks and back. Probably didn't burn the calories I drank, but oh well. I talked with a lady who was doing Tunisian crochet while she waited. It looks like a mix between crochet and knitting. Its very interesting to watch. She told me about it for a bit. I'll have to tell my mom, as she crochets. I was my usual talkative self with her. Conversation with her was fine, but by the end I think she thought I was crazy. I do tend to talk about weird stuff and at a weird pace sometimes.

Monsters Waiting for Me

I get to feeling like there are long stretches with nothing to do. I will have choir tonight but right now it feels like an eternity until we have to leave. Then I start feeling anxious. This extra space scares me. Like there are some sort of monsters in it waiting for me.

Day 7 on Rexulti & Antipsychotics I've Been On

I haven't noticed any side effects on Rexulti. This is HUGE! I tried so many other drugs a few years ago (wish I'd documented them here) that didn't agree with me. The only one I wrote about is Latuda, but I didn't write what my side effects were. At any rate, I must've tried seven atypical anti-psychotics before Rexulti: Geodon, Latuda, Abilify, Risperdal, Seroquel, Saphris, and Zyprexa. I had different side effects to each. I remember Geodon made me feel like I'd eaten the sun, or an atomic bomb, or just plain a bunch of radiation! I had akathisia with Abilify. Seroquel I had hives and a swollen throat (I believe). Risperdal raised my prolactin; I was walking around looking for "the baby". "Where's the baby?" I kept asking myself. Of course, I had no baby. My body was making milk from the Risperdal! Zyprexa, of course, the one I've been on the longest and am weaning off now, gave me very high cholesterol (to the tune of 700+) and a fairly large weight gain. I've heard Rexulti has the ability to do this, too, but my psych nurse practitioner sings its praises so I'm going to do so also. I'm getting to the end of the list of atypicals. I have never tried a typical antipsychotic, and I probably won't unless we run out of options. I feel like I've left out a drug or two that I've tried. I'm just happy that I haven't had any side effects on Rexulti after seven days on it! Tomorrow, I get to start titrating down off Zyprexa. Yay!

And Finally.... The Weighted Blanket!

My weighted blanket finally arrived via UPS. I had arranged to pick it up at the store today. The box was very heavy. They said it was 21 pounds. I went on one stop on the way home. When I got home, I took a shower and started some laundry before I got the blanket out of the box. I sat on couch with it. The material is a lot thinner than I thought, even though it is flannel. The whole thing is very heavy, which is its purpose, so that's good. The pellets in the pockets are very tiny; I had pictured them a little bigger for some reason. I tried it sitting on couch watching tv. It is a twin size. If I'm sitting with my feet tucked up next to me, it covers me feet and up to my arm pits. I sat in it quite a while. Its kind of cold, actually. Maybe it will warm up at night with other blankets over it, or it won't matter because I have a heated mattress pad. I had thought that they hadn't taken the money out of my account, but I did a search on my online banking account and found that they indeed did- the day after they accepted my order three weeks ago! How did I miss that? Which reminds me: It wasn't cheap, so I'm extra particular about the final product. I haven't tried it while anxious yet. I haven't let my kids try it to see what they think. (Even though its technically too heavy for them.) I almost want to see about making a pocket for the whole thing in a thicker flannel that's softer. I wonder how that would work. This blanket is cold. The people who run the site that I bought it from say people who have hot flashes shouldn't get flannel but I find this blanket not warming at all. I will give it plenty of time before I make a final yay or nay on this blanket.

I just tried it in bed for a few minutes. Its much better this way. It still covers my feet up to my arm pits, but the weight is evenly distributed and I can feel the weight better that way. After only a few minutes in bed like this (and with my heated pad on), I started to get pleasantly dozey and fell asleep. More points in the positive for the blanket. Its still cold, but with a comforter over me and the heating pad under me I was plenty warm.

I had a thought about why it might be cold. Its been in delivery trucks and warehouses for the last five days and its winter. I know it at least sat all night at UPS here in Michigan last night. I'll let it warm up in the dryer tonight before bed and see if that helps.

The blanket's makers included a small letter with the blanket in the box. One of the things it says is please write and give your feedback soon. I think I'll give it a week to be sure.

There are many things that the blanket is said to help with. For me, I am hoping it will help with anxiety, stress and tension. On the outside chance, it may help with my sleep apnea. (I still will wear my CPAP.) And, happily, I look forward to it helping with menopause when that day comes. (I'm relatively close, but haven't reached that year yet.) Other things they say it helps with are alzheimer's, parkinson's, post traumatic stress disorder, restless leg syndrome, ADD/ADHD, asperger's and other autism spectrum disorders, and sensory disorders of any kind.

EDIT: for January 10: I slept with it last night. I'd put it in the dryer on low for just a couple minutes before I took it up to bed. It was a little too warm that way. Probably because I have the heated mattress pad and it had been laying on that, too. Once I got under it, it was too warm. I stuck my feet out and that was better. I think its either put it in the dryer, OR put the heated pad on- not both. When I woke up this morning, the first thing I noticed was that I remembered my dreams in a detail that I had not in years. In fact, I hadn't remembered them at all for time out of mind. I took this to mean that I slept very well with the blanket. Even now that I type this, I feel more awake than I have in ages. I'm not planning my next nap or day dreaming about when I can go to bed tonight. For me, that is huge. My criticisms of the blanket at first are giving way to love.

Insurance Answer & Weighted Blanket

After two days of being closed, I finally got to go to the Social Security office. I wanted to ask them about what DHS said about my Medicaid being cancelled. After little to no wait- yay!- I was told that yes I still have Medicaid but its through Social Security now instead of DHS. I won't have Medicare until I've had disability for 24 months. Furthermore, nothing will change! My insurance cards should be the same, and my insurance should tick on just like it has. So nothing is getting cancelled.

My weighted blanket has shipped! The last time I checked, they hadn't charged my card, but I'm sure that will change soon. Its supposed to arrive Monday at the earliest. (Today is Friday.) I arranged to pick it up at the UPS building, because I can't be sure I'll be home when they try to deliver it. (They don't just leave packages at apartments.)

Rexulti II - Side Effects?

My appointment with my psych nurse practitioner was good. We discussed Fitbits- they track your exercise habits. I would get one were they not $125. (And had I not just spent more than that on a weighted blanket!) Seems like a utility bill to me. Apparently, my mood is good, which, considering what I've had to go through lately, I'm surprised about! Of course, we talked about Rexulti. She sang its praises and said it has fewer side effects and many benefits. We are weaning of Zyprexa very slowly, but that's okay because I think I have enough to do that. The Rexulti ended up costing insurance $1152.xx! Plus, now someone tells me you can have Medicaid and Medicare at the same time, so I need to go to the Social Security office and talk with them about that and about getting my cards. Then, I need to go back to DHS and see what's up with them telling me my Medicaid is cancelled because I have Medicare. After I realized that Social Security closed at 12:30, I went to the mall and waited for my friend, K, to call. He did, not long after I got there and we went to Panera and had lunch. Still no weighted blanket (or email from them) and still no check from the bipolar study, but I have this hunch that one or both of them will arrive on Friday while I'm out at Friday Lunch. Oh- I did take the first Rexulti pill around 12:45. No side effects yet, except I'm a little tired. Maybe the side effects will add up as the days go on, or maybe I won't have any at all! (Yay!)

Medicare, Disability & Social Security

The Department of Human Services was finally open today. I brought the paper that said my Medicaid was cancelled as of January 1st. They told me I need to reapply as I do still qualify for Medicaid. Then, someone else looked at my paperwork and took it away for a bit. When she came back, she said that I now have Medicare and my Medicaid ends on February 2nd. That is good news as far as my appointment tomorrow is concerned. (Can have the appointment with my psychiatrist/nurse practitioner and pick up the Rexulti.) But I still don't have any Medicare cards for February. A friend said they will come in the mail, but I looked through everything I have from Social Security and while it is helpful, nothing mentions Medicare. I may go to the Social Security office in town in a few weeks if I don't get my cards in the mail. I am guessing that I'll have the infamous "Part D" for my prescriptions. Whether this will pay for Rexulti - I looked it up; its about $1000/month!- is still up in the air. (I was debating paying in cash, but that obviously wasn't going to happen!) My appointment tomorrow is in the morning, so I'll have an update for what we decided earlier than later. If we decide to keep Rexulti, I'll go to the pharmacy and pick it up. (Through Medicaid.) If we decide to stay with Zyprexa, I'll be disappointed, but what can you do? Medicare is a new beast. Its better than a sharp stick in the eye. I wish I could have both Medicaid and Medicare, but apparently not. I'm also not sure how long SSI/SSDI lasts. It will only be a year on the back payments, I believe. As for the monthly payments, I don't know. My friend says you can keep Medicare as long as you're still disabled. I don't know how you undo bipolar disorder. So far, even my stable periods always come crashing down when mania or depression come to haunt me again.