Curtain of Snow

I was sitting and relaxing at my favorite Starbucks when I thought I saw snow on the backs of a few cars in the parking lot. I mentioned this to a friend I was talking with on the phone at the time. The conversation continued and then a curtain of snow fell down with a defined bottom and sides, plain as day. I walked up to the cars with "snow" on their backs. Yup. It was real snow.

Hallucinated Tiny Spider

Sitting in my recliner, I looked down on the left arm and saw movement. For a moment, I saw tiny eyes looking back up at me. A spider. Disappear! Just like that, it was gone. I looked all over, but couldn't find the arachnid at all. This is unlike the big black bulbous spiders I had been hallucinating. This one showed up clearly, then went away just as clearly.

Sidewalk Bending Hallucination / Realization

A few days ago, I went for a walk for about an hour. I had been talking on the phone to a new friend. Just as I decided to go home, I walked up to the sidewalk to the porch of the house. It began to warp! So much so, that I felt unsure of my footing and steadied myself. It moved beneath my feet, bending itself over and over. I realized what was happening and willed it to stop! I took a step up onto the first step of the porch and began to walk again and all was okay, so I went inside.

I am editing to add that today I saw my therapist. We were talking about my hallucinations. Not at first, but after a while, I realize that they are indeed hallucinations, so I do something to make them stop. (After I've had my fill of entertainment that is!) Usually, all it takes is leaving the room I'm in, but in the case here, I mentally willed it to stop and it did. My therapist thought this was great and said that most people can't do this. It doesn't matter if its a visual or auditory hallucination. Of course, after a while, the hallucination will go away on its own without my doing anything to stop it. I am lucky that none of them have scared me. Even the "radio" that was playing jazz music and commanding me to do things didn't scare me.

Hallucinating In Paradisium

When I got up this morning, I walked out of my room and saw my cat. He turned around, but in an instant, disappeared!

I have had other things like this happen, too. I'm not sure if they are normal or not. My friend says not. The girl I've described disappearing lasted longer: she as definitely there for me to see and then she was gone. Its tempting for people to say they are ghosts. Why would my cat be a ghost when he is alive? Maybe he's teleporting. hehe. Funnily enough, he didn't meow. That would've been better- a little more information. Sometimes, I catch things out of the corner of my eye that aren't there, but again, I think that is normal.

I still feel ramped up but that could be the coffee.

Last night, the cylindrical sex seconds continued. I feel at ease with it. It is just there. It is comfortable. It is like falling into a warmth, as the merry-go-round turns slowly, once, twice, thrice... Its no longer sad. It has moved into an intense feeling of peace. This piece is from a requiem- a mass for the dead. "In Paradisum" translated means "In Paradise". Each note, each nuance of a phrase, has me captured, wrapped in bliss as it continues on, again and again. My brain tingles. My emotions roll up and down gently. They are one. I want to fly away into the music, singing. The sound goes straight from my heart to my brain, bathing it in intensity that rolls over itself, again again. It is the same with the sex. Rolling over and over, drowning my brain, saturating it in bliss, so that I can't sing along; only strange singing comes out, but the angels still sing for me into my brain and in my head I sing along, as my my body tingles, as my brain buzzes and everything is gone. Only I am left. I am one with the sound and my brain and the bliss. I am singing. I am one with all. I know all. I know the answers to everything! Its all okay now. In paradise, may angels lead you into paradise. A fearless death. A completely fearless death. All is you and you are all. You are one with all. May you have eternal rest. I rise into the voices. They are one. And I am one. I am one with them and the voices. Just me and them rising up. They sing and rise and fall together, swirling moving into the peace of death, as I follow them. Its just me and the cirles, rising up in swirls, as the voices are one carrying me up and down. Where are they going? Into the peace. Into requiem. An intense buzzing in my brain happens as I am carried up and down. My whole body is carried along. Into paradise and into peace. Carried by angels. Soaring, telling me everything. I now know all. I am all. I fly, carrying all. My cat and I are one. He is me. Going into paradise. Into peace.

* In paradisum deducant te Angeli; in tuo adventu suscipiant te martyres, et perducant te in civitatem sanctam Ierusalem. Chorus angelorum te suscipiat, et cum Lazaro quondam paupere æternam habeas requiem.

May angels lead you into paradise; upon your arrival, may the martyrs receive you and lead you to the holy city of Jerusalem. May the ranks of angels receive you, and with Lazarus, once a poor man, may you have eternal rest.