Disney World / DBT/ Pseudobulbar Affect

Utopia! The family has planned a trip to Disney World for December. This is something fun to look forward to. I have applied for a job to help pay for this trip. I can't wait to be saving and working! The last time we went was maybe five years ago. The only problem with having a job is working around when I go to therapy on Mondays and Wednesdays. But it will all work out, I think.

Since I've started DBT, I've felt better. I can side-step the downward spiral that so often cascaded me into depression. I might have a negative thought, but I will redirect it, saying to myself, "That can wait," or, "That isn't as bad as you think." I can accept things for what they are and then move forward. It feels good!

I do think back on my posts here when I was manic. I like them because they are so descriptive of my in-the-moment feelings.

There is a commercial on tv lately for a brain disorder called PBA: Pseudobulbar Affect. The commercial very specifically points out that the sufferers burst out in laughter or crying for no "real" reason, yet it is "NOT a psychological condition", but a brain disorder! I always want to jump through the screen and yell that psychological disorders ARE your brain! Bipolar is NOT just someone wanting to feeling manic, or WANTING to feel depressed. Its not a personality disorder. Its as if this PBA were "real" and bipolar is just a personality flaw! The truth is that both are just as much disorders of the brain that are very truly physical in nature, and based in the brain where the emotional centers sit. I have less control sometimes of my brain when I'm having a bipolar episode of mania that some people with PBA do when they begin to having a laughing episode. It starts and I am taken down that path, no matter if I can see it or not. So those of us with bipolar may have more in common with PBA than we think. Although we may not have had a stroke which started this, there is faulty wiring that we cannot control our emotions and thoughts.

Wise Mind

I have been missing-in-action for a couple of months. Usually, this means that everything is a-ok and I don't have anything to post as this blog is about living with bipolar. However, a friend of mine pointed out that maybe I should post when I am feeling well, too. I thought, "What would that read like- 'I went to the grocery store today. Car needs an oil change'?" My therapist today suggested I try it so with the two of them suggesting this, here I am.

You won't see the colorful writings of mania, I don't think. One thing that's been going on in my life is that my new therapist is working out well. We get along and I'm learning a lot through DBT: Dialectical Behavioral Therapy. I see her on Mondays and then we have a group meeting on Wednesdays, too. The group is fun. What a cast of characters! Every week, there is homework for both therapy and group. We read our homework outloud in the group. One of the things they teach us is how to be in our "wise mind". This is a blending of our emotional and our calculating mind. Its where we are best able to make decisions. Its helped me to not go overboard and get upset several times. There are many other "modules" we learn about, too. Wise mind is just one that comes up often.