Today I Feel

.pissed that the new system ate my post and I have to rewrite it. I feel pissed that we took pix after the graduation and I look twice as big as I should- totally unflattering dress, totally unflattering body in general. Even before the photos, we were in the 2nd balcony in the front and my mind wandered to climbing over the railing.... falling to my death- or at least mangled dismemberment. We went out to eat after and I ate too much. Everyone was looking at me saying what a fat cow I am. Especially the bikers outside looking into the brightly lit table we were sitting at by the window. I'd rather be off seroquel again. I hate this. Last time I felt this way, I was hospitalized. And its my fault. All of it.