Aliens 5- The Narrative

I had gone shopping at the grocery store. It was a store where I always shop. I went up to the bathroom to pee and when I looked at my reflection as I washed my hands, I could see I was an alien. Big, black eyes staring back at me. I could FEEL them! I looked away, scared. Moving downstairs toward the people they moved about with their carts. Seemed a normal evening down below me. I pushed my cart along, looking at the text message my daughter had sent me of items to pick up. Suddenly, a woman's eyes caught mine. They were dark. I could see into them more deeply. It was as if she knew my whole being. I knew she was an alien. I concentrated on my shopping, but the more I shopped, the more it became clear that each and every person in the store that day was an alien hybrid: Half alien half human. They all could tell that I knew what they were. Some were more tuned into me than others, but nonetheless all of them were alien-human hybrids. Even feeling like I was an alien hybrid myself didn't keep me from feeling a separateness from these hybrids. I wanted to finish my shopping and get out. And yet, I was fascinated. I couldn't stop looking into their big eyes. I was drawn through them- into their beings. I couldn't shake the feeling that they were everywhere and that they wanted something from me. They wanted me to feel I was one of them. At the same time, I was telling myself that I was just shopping and that I was just hallucinating or being delusional and that it would pass. I concentrated on pushing the cart- the feel of the handle in my hands and the sounds of the wheels turning. By the time I finally got in the checkout lane, I still thought everyone were aliens, including myself. I went through the motions of putting the items on the belt and swiping my card. And that's what they were: just motions. I was in another world the entire time and could not get out. That woman! Her EYES! They were almond-shaped for sure and she knew what I was thinking, WILLING me, to keep going the way THEY wanted. She KNEW what was in my mind and there was nothing I could do about it. I managed to load my food into the car and drive home. Strangely, the aliens did not follow me home. I had thought my children would be aliens too, but they weren't. Things seem to return to normal. In fact, I went back to the same store the next day to get milk and saw people but no aliens. I'm not sure if this was a delusion or a hallucination or both. I'm glad I got it down.

Aliens 4 -A chat with a friend

The following is a conversation I had yesterday with a friend.

ME: So what do you make of my episode today?

FRIEND: You continue to hallucinate?

ME: Not since ive been home

FRIEND: No, I meant the episode was nothing new.

That's what I make of it.

And as Scott said, you weren't a danger to yourself or others.

So, not a great thing to have happen, but could have been worse.

ME: Worse how

FRIEND: The aliens could have told you to harm yourself.

ME: Oh. Yeah

FRIEND: Aliens will do that, you know. Can't trust them big-eyed little fuckers.

ME: Yeah

They are 1 1/2 feet tall

FRIEND: So were you that short too?

ME: No

FRIEND: So you were a freakishly tall alien?

ME: I was just my height

These aliens were hybrids

Which is freakishly tall for an alien

So looked mostly human

FRIEND: Seems almost like a waking dream, triggered by that movie you saw.

Otherwise known as a hallucination?

ME: Im afraid to sleep tonight

FRIEND: Why? I'd be afraid to stay awake. You didn't have a problem while you slept.

ME: Bad alien dreams

FRIEND: Or not. Never know till you get there.

ME: Then its too late

FRIEND: But you could have no problem at all. Can't predict.

ME: Right

Bipolar board was no help. Just said "use dbt" i dont remember a lesson on this

FRIEND: Dreams can't actually hurt you. Even bad ones. You can wake up in a cold sweat and banish them.

ME: Im worried real aliens will come

FRIEND: Oh. That's easy. No they won't. Because they don't exist. Next?

ME: Still worried

There were so many at the store

FRIEND: That was a hallucination. Hallucinations, by definition, are not real. ?

ME: Im worried theyll be peering at me

FRIEND: They. Are. Not . Real

ME: Ok then worried ill hallucinate again

FRIEND: So what? Didn't hurt you before.

ME: Scarier m maybe

FRIEND: Still won't hurt you. You can will it away.

ME: Maybe

Watching another movie- without aliens

FRIEND: LOL Good idea. . .

ME: Cant watch loveboat. Recordings are unavailable

FRIEND: Huh. Maybe cause they took it off the air?

ME: No all the recordings on the system are gone

They may come ack online

FRIEND: Right. But are they actual recordings or just links to the content stored on the cable system?

ME: Probably links

FRIEND: thats what I was thinking

ME: It does this sometimes then the recordings show up again

FRIEND: ok so perhaps these will too

ME: Yes

FRIEND: time for me to say goodnight

sleepy

outta here

ME: Ok goodnight

Ttyt mYbe

8 hours ago

i am an alien 3

The entire grocery store was people taken over by aliens. I could see it in their eyes. I had to be careful shopping.

i am an alien 2

I had previously said that we are aliens. Now i think we may be abductees. Would account for our brains hallucinating and the odd emotions.

i am an alien 1

I saw my reflection and i am an alien. They made me grow into an alien. I saw big black eyes.

I got a new tattoo on Sunday. (Today is Wednesday.) Its Manic Mickey. I planned it a week or more before actually getting it so im not sure how manic ore hypomanic I was when I actually got it. I hadn't had a tattoo for twp years so its not like I get them a lot. (This is my fourth.) The tattoo is from a cartoon short from 1995 called Runaway Brain. That's how I feel when manic- that and I can identify with how Mickey must feel.

Im not sure if im manic or close to it. I am impulsive. Im getting a tattoo of a manic Mickey mouse soon. I started smoking to damage myself though ive since quit. The whole idea seemed wrong and a bit exciting. For two weeks at least ive felt ramped up. I had to take some ativan yesterday for it. I see my psych dr on thursday so we will see what she says. Maybe i am smoking to try to calm myself too. This aggitation is very uncomfortable. I have been watching "loveboat" at bedtime. It helps to calm me too.