Falling?

For several weeks now, if not a month, I've been afraid of falling. Not emotionally. Physically. I can't step down off a snowy curb, without feeling that I'll lose my footing. The bookstore has two large escalators. I can go up, but down scares me. I just stand there watching all the steps go down without me. I feel I will fall if I step on. Even regular steps like in a parking garage, I have to hold the handrail or risk feeling I'll take a misstep. This doesn't happen all the time and it doesn't happen everywhere. I keep thinking its my new shoes and the slippery ground this winter. I will walk the long way around a snowy mound rather than walk through it like my kids will. And yes, there have been a few near-misses where I've almost fallen. Is it my fear doing that, or are they true near-falls? That is to say, is this all in my mind or is something else at play that I'm not aware of? I feel like its a mental thing, hence why I'm posting it here.

voices - been a long time

I heard the tv voices again. I was watching Mary Tyler Moore this time not MASH. They were speaking into my left ear. I don't know what they were saying. I don't see my new pdoc for two months. But Isee my new therapist in a month. This will hardly be worth mentioning then I guess. They were buzzing and whispering and seemed to be a group of voices. There really isn't anything more to say about them. They didn't scare me.

Changes

My psych drs office decided to change to short-term care only. They consisder me long-term care so i got pushed into another office. Completely new. New building, new people- everything. And they don't seem to be very organized. I had to ask to have a therapist. My psych dr. Seems a bit silly. I fear for when I have another major episode what these silly people wil do. I can always call psych er but then I fear that I'll be sent back to the place I was in November.

I have been fairly happy the last month as I've been dating someone and having a great time. That is, until we had amisunderstanding. I'm stil not sure if that's worked out. I suppose it is or we wouldn't still be talking every day. He is one of my best friends, if not my best friend outright. We spent the weekend together last weekend and had a great time. There was just the issue of sex. I didn't want it and he did. Ouch. I still feel bad about that.I am hoping that this doesn't ruin our friendship. I don't think it has. I'm also hoping we can get together again. At any rate, this has been a source of my being fairly happy this last month and I'm glad. I enjoy his company greatly. :)