Sadness

Are You Obsessed With Your Mental Illness?

If you could call my bipolar blog "obsessed" then yes. But I like to think of it as documenting the thoughts that otherwise would pass by unnoticed.

My Evening Prescriptions

Here are my evening prescriptions.

My Morning Prescriptions

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The fat oblong orange one is Trileptal and the round white one beneath it is Rexulti- the two that were raised recently.

Hallelujah Together!

I went to church this morning.  At the very end, we, the choir, surrounded the congregation and sang Handel's Hallelujah Chorus.  The woman next to me was bejeweled with wonder as we sang, looking at me smiling blissfully.  I thought she would cry.  (I was only 3 feet away from her.)  A man had paid $1,000 to hear this piece sung!  I think we sang it well!  This whole thing just made my day- singing it, seeing the joy on this woman's face, hearing the organ support us... All several hundred of us enjoying together.  Hallelujah!

The People

My brain just said to me: "Take your phone in case the people come to get you while youre upstairs." 

I've been thinking I'd heard people in my hallway, room' on the stairs, opening the door... 

Now the people are actually here to get me. I had to decide what order to do things because of these people being here.

Pills vs No Pills

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I had a nice day with my kids. I let my 16 yo drive as he just got his permit yesterday. I had Starbucks with my Starbucks buddy. I was telling this buddy about the symptoms I had when I saw my pdoc last. I said one was that I was short-tempered. I gave the example of ripping a CD out of my youngest's hand because I felt he was taking too long. This partly was because I had to pee but partly my hypomanic- impatience in general. There are other examples I gave but because my memory's like a seive, I can't remember them. One of the responses he gave was that I was my real self before my medication was increased.  Where have we heard that before?  Oh yeah: ME!  When I'm manic wanting to be "the real me!"

It seems to me that psychiatrists and psychologists are at odds. The former like to prescribe (or tweak) drugs and the latter do  not, relying on talk therapy. 

I've gotten to know my bipolar brain pretty well so I know when a med change is probably called for.