Help!

Help! The paranoiacs are after me!!

With Any Drug

A friend of mine said today that I should ask my pdoc to quit my trileptal (not by name but hes a psychologist). He says im too tired on it. Just because I'm tired at all. Because Ive needed naps since starting this new dose (300).

But to me this drug is working wonders. Beats the way a lot of the other drugs I've been on have made me feel. (Lamictal purple face comes to mind. Geodon made me feel like I'd swallowed an atomic bomb. Aripiprazole gave me akithesia- to name a few.)

We all have to choose side effects vs benefits- with any drug not just psych. Why rule out brain drugs?

Going Down - Trileptal (and Rexulti)

Ive been on the hypomanic side lately. My pdoc doubled my trileptal and upped my Rexulti to 4. That started yesterday - the first day of the new doses. I took my morning trileptal around 6:30 and was immediately slowed down. My coffee had an opposite effect. In church choir, facing everyone, my eyes kept closing for a moment. I came home and slept for 3 hours! It had been a beautiful morning downtown by church at Starbucks around 7:00. I'm assuming I get used to this new dose and this side effect goes away.

Hypomania? Visit with pdoc/pnurse

Saw pdoc/NP. We talked about how I've been feeling the last little bit. "My youngest was taking too long picking out sheet music and CDs at a music store so I snatched the CD away with a quickness and stomped my way up to the front counter to pay for it." "I've also been getting up at 5:30 every morning wide awake." "I've been short with people in public too because they dont move quickly enough." She thought my Rexulti and Trileptal needed increased. We'll try that for a week and see.

A lot of trouble - Two States

Wandering around the local (big) grocery store I had just a couple items in my cart- one of the small ones meant for such a truncated trip. The room began to shift- to expand- my ears closed and I stared for indefinitely into space - motionless. The noises of the store went away. Disassociation.

Not to be confused with the times when Ive had sensory overload: the audience gets louder, they won't stop talking, screaming and running around. I can hear each individial voice- each word, each exhale of a crying baby, each footstep ... They all fill up my being and wrap me up at the same time and won't let me go.

Both of these states can get you into a lot of trouble.

I have this fear

It's bad today. I have this fear that something bad will happen: that my kids will get killed, that I won't be able to pay my bills, that my kids will get into horrific car accidents, that we'll get robbed... These types of thoughts plague me a lot- sometimes everyday (like now). And they all happen over and over- so quickly its as if they are one thought. Often, my mind makes me believe that these scenarios are true- then anxiety turns to panic: heart pounding, fast breathing, circular racing thoughts, dread... I hope I can sleep tonight.

Hallucination?

My youngest son and I decided to go out to lunch this afternoon. We ate, chatted... He ate his food including a chocolate shake then finished my food! (Teenagers!) But while still seated, from across the room, I heard a metalic voice say "patties"- something about flipping the patties? I'm not sure but I thought there must be a voice built into the grill. Clear as day it was but nobody seemed to own those words! Except... I asked my son if he could hear it - he could not. ? Then a confused yet stern "Mother!" From my son. All leads up to... You guessed it: was I hallucinating today?