I Have Bipolar Disorder But it Won't Have Me!

I don't feel good, I just feel normal.  I went off Seroquel (150 mg) slowly about 5 weeks ago.  I want to say I feel good because I do- but really I just feel normal.  Only thing Ive noticed is that I smile and tear up more easily but I think that's the normal me rather than the blunted me.  I know we all want to be "the real me" but what does that mean?  Is my normal real me the person I was before I was diagnosed or before I was put on psych meds?  It is NOT the manic me or the depressed me- that is the ABNORMAL me!  I'm talking about who I am at my core.  Who am I?  My body is screaming for me to get back to baseline as well- I have high blood pressure, prediabetes, high cholesterol, I'm overweight (formerly obese!) My liver is fat and I have cirrhosis of the liver which is not reversible- all from Zyprexa and Seroquel.  And this isn't even my entire list of medical "complaints"! Who is the normal me?    I have bipolar disorder but it won't have me!  Finally, its time to be proactive, not reactive!

EDITED to note: It's now 9/26/20 and I went back on 50 of Seroquel because I was having issues sleeping.  And actually, this past week, I've gone back to 150 because I get better sleep.  My body is still screaming at me, but I'm trying to lose weight to hopefully remedy all these medical issues.