Am I Only My Bipolar Symptoms?

Here I am sitting in Starbucks by the fire. Its been a while since I've written. My therapist has been gone for about six weeks and I've been relatively ok. We had a couple weeks off group last month but its going well now. However i have intrusive thoughts about overdosing on benedryl. Its almost a comforting, soothing thought. Then I go do fun things with my kids like buy a new King's Singers CD and all seems right with the world again: how could I have ever thought such a terrible thing? I haven't told anybody about it except my friend S. He's training to be a social worker so I don't want to stress out the friendship side of things while my story may be interesting clinically. We are old friends and he is one of the only people I can trust with any of my thoughts. Sometimes if feels -in the midst of an episode- that that's all I am: bipolar symptoms. Its not true of course. Just the other day I went to the art mseum with my 13-year-old and had a great time watching an existential film. I was going to say something to the leader of the group on Wednesday about my self-destructive thoughts but he left the room so quickly. It also occirred to me that maybe I've missed a few doses of my antipsychotic Zyprexa since I get it out of the bottle each night instead of the pill box for some odd reason. Well I think I will send this and try to write again soon.