Guilty

I feel guilty a lot. Like I don't do enough. Or am not good enough. Or like everything is my fault. It happens a lot at night. Maybe when that's when I have more time to think. I just took a long, early nap and am feeling that way. I woke up from the nap and its only 8 p.m. Now will I be up late or go to bed on time? I feel like people are going to be angry with me. I'm not sure about what. Whatever bad that I did. Right now, I'm watching "Golden Girls". I'm sure I suck. I want donuts. I didn't have dinner. I saw two friends today. That was okay. I am guilty of being a bad person. Should I have some Ativan? Or should I stay up tonight watching tv? My recorded shows are going to run out. I know I don't spend enough time with my kids; I didn't today. Tomorrow they have the day off school again. What to do? I have laundry to do. I should clean. I just am bad at getting things done. I did take my youngest to an arcade recently. We played on that dance dance revolution knock off game. He loves that game. The arcade is closed for the season now as its also mini golf. I don't do "life" in general very well. I am in a financial mess. Is that a bipolar thing? I'm sitting here in the dark typing this. Cursor is going blink blink blink. I saw a friend today who just seems to ogle me, rather than love me. Another friend seems to love me in a nice, close friendship way. Both went to coffee with me today. Maybe I'll be more productive tomorrow.