This is a shorter entry, but as I think of things I can update this. This is another difficult topic.
Part of mania feels like frustration or rage. Remember the horror-movie hallucinations I mentioned? This is kind of like that, but its visions of hurting someone. Not just punching or shoving, but taking that person by the head and banging their head against the pavement over and over, blood and bone crushed, included. Or grab their face and rip the skin off and slam them against the wall. Sometimes, these rages have been against people I don't know- as in in a waiting room. There is an apathy to them. None of it makes "sense" to my normal self. But nonetheless, sometimes I find myself throwing the person on the ground and then banging their head against the pavement over and over and over again. Other times, its shooting, or spearing someone. These feelings sometimes go along with the horror-movie hallucinations, but in that case, they happen all of themselves, AFTER the intense feelings. In fact, they can both happen of themselves. The frustration does not need to happen with these scenes.
Supposedly, these things are "normal"- UNLESS you act on them.
Are they scary? Yes. Certainly unnerving. Its another one of the parts of bipolar that people don't often talk about.
This is a significant entry. Anger is part of the human condition. It's easy for someone like me to say that if you acknowledge anger from the start it will diffuse it. When your brain chemistry is "out of whack" it is almost impossible to keep yourself from feeling rage. When I went on a SSRI drug, I celebrated the fact that my "anger elevator" didn't immediately go through the roof. I wish it were as easy a fix for you. {{HUGS}}
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