Well I broke down and took some of the extra Haldol just now. I picked up my new glasses this morning. They are taking some getting used to - I forgot that I'd ordered bifocals. When I picked them up, I tried them on, but couldn't see because I had my contacts in. So tonight I took out my contacts and put these new glasses on and immediately I noticed "the lines" of the bifocals! I can see out of the bifocal part and the regular part, but where they join is blurry! So right now, I'm typing on the computer looking through the regular area. I have to raise my head and look DOWN at what I'm typing if I want to use the bifocal part. Actually, it IS easier to read with the bifocal part, but I don't like having to hold my head up so far. My old glasses are trifocals and they are the kind that there are no lines! I got used to those immediately but these are annoying me! I've had friends that got them say that they had a hard time walking in them. Steps and curbs and stuff were hard to navigate. I made my second tiktok tonight introducing myself talking about these glasses and my deluge of 8x10 photos I got this week! I tried not to look like a dork, but my friend Christine said I look "great" in the video, so there it is. I have no idea how to do all the fancy editing. Heck! I don't even know how many seconds I have left when I'm recording, so it just cuts me off. Then I tried to edit that out and I couldn't figure that out either! I have no idea what I'm going to post about in the future. I probably won't be lip synching to songs though. Right now, my choices are 15 seconds or 60 seconds. I swear other people's videos are longer than a minute. I'm eating a pear. It's crunchy! I went out to Walgreen's again - this time to get Benadryl. I had an asthma flare up earlier and wasn't sure how I was feeling- my chest hurt a little- felt congested and somehow painful so I used my inhaler with my spacer (allows the medicine to disperse through the air in the spacer before I breathe it in). Then I took some Benadryl in case it was an allergic reaction or allergies from dust mites or seasonal. (I don't THINK I have bed bugs!) Now feeling fine. I stayed home today except to go to Walgreen's to get the Benadryl. Tomorrow, I should get working on my inspection stuff- I need to clean my bathroom top to bottom! Maybe sweep and mop? It isn't just cleaning- it's making sure things like the smoke alarms work. Well the last time I used the oven they sure did! And it says something about the carbon monoxide detector but the thing I thought was one says AT&T on it so I don't want to touch that - whatever it is. It seems so much harder now that I'm by myself even if my place *is* a lot smaller. I do like my new glasses though- They're nice and clear so the little bit of a prescription change really helped. It's just that the bifocal lines are blurry. I can read better through the bifocal parts, even though I can read pretty well with the regular section, too. So anyway, I took my Haldol PRN and not sure if it did anything. Maybe it hasn't been long enough- meds take about 20 minutes to start working after you swallow them. I hope I don't get too tired from it, though. So far, so good, though what would be the problem if I did get tired? It's 9:30 already! I'm watching The Muppet Show- the original- though. I can't believe I don't feel tired at all from the Benadryl. Maybe if I went and laid down it would help. Still really liking the photos I printed! Nobody has come over here to see them really. Oh great. Now I'm not feeling well again. I already took my night meds. Benadryl maybe wasn't the best thing to take considering that my night scripts include Trazodone and Seroquel. Ok. Off to watch TikTok in bed. It's trying to relax time. I think the Benadryl has hit. My chest feels okay now.
Saturday, April 10, 2021
PDoc Called - Hypomania- covid 19
My pdoc called yesterday right after she got the email from my case manager about how I've been. She said I have "good insight into your symptoms". I don't think so. It's my friends- both online and in real life- who clue me in. So pdoc said I could increase Seroquel or Haldol and I picked Haldol as I have a ton of that. She said to take my regular 2.5 mg every evening as usual and then add 2-4 mg as needed for hypomania. It's the weather changes, she says. She will call next week. Thing that worries me is that I spent over $100 on photos- I had a bunch of my photos of my kids 10+ years ago printed and framed and they are now surrounding my living room- there are 11 8x10's! Don't get me wrong: They look GREAT! Even friends have said I'm a good photographer just from seeing a quick TikTok that I did of them! Anyway, pdoc said she thinks I'm hypomanic because I've been sleeping less and spending a lot of money. Lately, I've been getting up before 9:00 when previously I was getting up at 11. That's a GOOD thing! I can get up while the Spring birds are still chirping. As I type this, I'm listening to Rene Jacobs sing French songs. I guess he speaks fluent French, in addition to English and other languages. I saw a video of him teaching a couple women voice lessons- one was in French and the other was in English.
On Friday, I have my annual apartment inspection and there are a million things on the check list they sent! Some items are easy like making sure the grass is cut in addition to other outdoor issues because the apartment complex takes care of those. I'm putting things off- I don't know why. Maybe because I don't want it to get messed up again before she comes to inspect the apartment.
I miss Noah singing. Especially when he was little. I've got a black-and-white photo I took of his face while he was singing during a voice lesson that is part of my new 8x10 collage.
I went to the eye doctor a few weeks ago because it was time and I wanted contacts and a newer prescription in my glasses. So I bought a year's worth of contact lenses- the regular ones; I wanted to buy green ones which I did try on, but they didn't look cool enough to spend another $100 on. (THAT'S not a hypomanic symptom, but it was weeks ago.) My contacts came in earlier this week and my glasses came in today. (Saturday.) I hope I don't run out of contacts before our Disney trip. Oh yeah! The Disney trip! Well, if we can manage to all have the money for it. My mom is paying for a large portion of it, so it really won't be that much. Little by little sock away a few dollars here and there. Now that I just paid my AAA bill with my credit card, I have to watch to make sure I still have the money in my account to pay for that next month. Oh- and I have an appointment to get the Johnson & Johnson covid vaccine on the 19th of this month. It's not easy finding appointments! I filled out 3 online applications which told me that they were full until I went to the site Christopher used to get his vaccine. They had plenty of spots! Although, I told Karen that they had lots of spots and she said they didn't when she went on, so I don't know. There were two weeks' worth when I scheduled mine.
I've been using TikTok lately. I've found a couple people to follow that do really funny live shows. I said something in the chat and the woman I was watching last night actually answered my comment! She had at least 30 square-framed photos up behind her- all pictures of her late dog! A tribute wall. I said "I thought I had a lot of pictures of my kids!" I guess not? Perspective, right? I also have watched a couple live streams on TikTok of this guy named "UncleMike75". He is younger than me by only a few years. He is really funny! Both in his live streams and in his regular TikTok videos. He is from South Carolina and I just love his accent. He is very popular. There were over 2,500 people in his chat last time I watched one!
Speaking of how old people are, I had my birthday a few weeks ago. The big 49. Next year will be the REALLY big one! Especially for my mom- her birthday is the day before mine- as she will be 75!
My psych case manager made an appointment for the week after next to come to my apartment and have an appointment, I guess. I don't know what's wrong with the office? I don't know what we'll talk about except whether or not I'm still hypomanic.
So my town is under a big warning about covid- apparently we have a huge number of cases in both zip codes of the city. So I'm going to try to stay home as much as I can. I have to go to the grocery store though, but today is Saturday and I'm sure the grocery store will be packed. Sunday is worse! What's weird is that I don't think they've changed the rules about dining out or saying that people need to stay home. Just a news article from a local radio station telling us this.
Well I'm really hungry- it's time for lunch and I've missed breakfast, but I did have a Starbucks Italian Cold Brew coffee this morning. We'll see what there is to eat here. I'm almost out of milk and Caleb would say that is a national emergency! He says I always get milk when I'm at the grocery store and its a tragedy when I run out.
Thursday, April 8, 2021
Hypomazing!
So no call back. Grr. I wonder if they will call tomorrow. I still feel like I'm not important enough to call back again. Like pdoc said to my case manager, "Oh HER again??! Just don't reply. She'll go away eventually..." Still listening to Rene Jacobs. It quit raining but its all dripping out now. I have snacked all day. Some chicken here, a dry fake peanut butter sandwich there, and apple over there. I had a granola bar, too.
I'm kinda sleepy. Guess I'm not hypomanic after all if I'm sleepy at 7:30 p.m.! I got up at 9. I went out and did a lot of errands, including doing the $30 rebate for my contacts. It was a lot to do just for 15% of the cost. But oh well. I'm getting a visa gift card with the money on it. That's good for what? I'm not sure! A couple more pix and frames! hahahahahaha! Eleven are not enough! I made a TikTok out of my pix, but it kept cutting off the end. I guess I need to hold it at the end?? They wanted a photo of two boxes of the contacts- the info on the end of the box where your script is. My script is the same for both eyes, so I still took one pic with both boxes in it. Otherwise, they would be like, "You're missing a box. Redo this whole application! Ahhahahahahaha!" I really think I printed out too many photos. And for what? I never have people over. The one person who HAS seen what they look like said I'm going to be an old lady who writes the people's names on their pic on the front. I just felt like these few pix needed immortalized. I need to make another photo book- that's what I need to do, but first I need to study the books I already have to make sure that I don't put the same photo in the new book as in an old one. That is a long process! And a perilous one because you're working with a program the whole time that is drag and drop and type-on-the-page. It's always precarious until you hit that final submit and even then its like "Will it go through or not?" What I really need to do is get some new pix of all the kids that are current. Then I'll really be happy.
Still no call from pdoc or the case manager. I think they left without calling me back. I wonder if pdoc even opened the email from the case manager. I think I shouldn't have called. I called because people in the bipolar chat last night said I should, but when I tell them that pdoc and CM think its weird. Of COURSE they do! Wait till I plunge into depression and guilt WRACKS me woefully! All for printing pix. I started out with the one of N3 - the super close up of his face pouting- and then I had to have more then I had to have MORE! Now I have them SURROUNDING me in my living room! All for what- for me to see them every day and get bored of them and want MORE?? Nobody is going to see them, really. Except whoever looks at my TikTok, which I MADE that video for my friend Christine to see how many I have!
I'm out of the habit of writing poetry. It was all in January and mostly February. I haven't written in my blog in over a month, as there are no posts from March, and so far none for April.