Cacophony

I was just watching a show on youtube about scizophrenia. I could relate to quite a bit of what they described. But the one that struck me the mostwas the description of being in a crowded place - like a restaurant or concert venue- and not being able to filter it out; all the voices and klinking of utensils come at once and yet individually all screaming at me iin their own language. A cacophony of sound. It is overwhelming.

News! Not just bipolar

Today has been a good day.  I got up early and got a shower and took off for my med review with my nurse practitioner (aka "pdoc").  She lowered seroquel to whatever I want.  That is, I can break the 200's into 100's.  My haldol is reduced from 10 mg to 5.  Apparently, halfol is in short supply so they mostly have 5's. 

I'm sitting in Starbucks right now with a woman whom I met here several months ago.  She has lots of work to do because she's in school to be an occupational therapist.  I admire that she can keep the deluge of information organized in her brain.  Another friend is meeting us here in a little bit. 

I have been told by people that I should type more about my daily life rather than all the times I have serious issues: it makes it seem like I'm always in crisis which isn't true at all.  I have stable times- like now. 

Also, according to being weighed this morning I have lost weight!  That's great!  Really makes me happy since I felt stuck recently. 

I would really like to publish this blog as a book but Im not sure how I'd go about it.  There are nearly 450 posts! 

Lost

I had to find my way home after church because i parked in a lot with lots of construction. Google maps took me a crazy way home but I figured it out. N3 is at church- theyre having an out day- coffee shop, movie, lunch. So I have to go back to church to pick him up later. Only one person- the priest- asked me how I am. I havent been to choir in ages. I just said , "I have bipolar disorder..." And left it at that. I dont even know what my deal is. I just dont want to do anything. Id rather sleep. But once Im up i still dont want to be whereever I am. Right now Im at my mom's house and nobody knows Im here. I like nobody knowing where I am. I used to do that in my 20s- take off from work and "get lost". It was thrilling to me.